Tonight I talked to my Mom, who told me today was my Grandmothers birthday and yesterday would have been my grandparents anniversary. I think of both Grandma and Papa so often. They are, after all, the reason we ended up in Kennebunkport and sometimes I wish so badly they were here.
Often, when I pray, I talk to them too. Papa was a cancer survivor who went to MGH and against all odds, beat lung cancer, living for 15 years after his diagnosis. I would love for him to be here for Alec and be able to have those man to man cancer patient to cancer patient chats. I often wonder how Grandma dealt with being the wife and care taker during Papas battle...and then the mother and care taker of my Aunt when she was diagnosed with colon cancer at age 32. I would love for them to see our house, to see what Alec has done to it and to know that we chose to live here, of all places. That even after living in California, there was no place like Maine. Or that we were married at Grandmas favorite church, St Anne's. Every time we drove by she would say she wanted one of her grandchildren to marry there. I always found it to be so ironic (or was it a God Wink?) that I found our home the day of Papas funeral. My sisters and I had gone for a walk on Goose Rocks after the funeral and I wanted to show them a house Alec and I had been interested in, but had been under contract. We pulled into the long driveway and another house with a new for sale sign on it had caught my attention, 2 months later Alec and I were moving in.
I would love to have Alec take Papa out on our boat and see how it compared to his Whaler. Or maybe he had some fishing secrets to share with Alec. I thought of him while reading Unbroken, I had so many questions about the war and what it was like. I would love to talk politics and get his thoughts on the current administration (I am sure the word peckerhead may come up once or twice) I know he would be proud of what we stand for and the love we have for our country. Papa loved to talk and he was always so interested in everything; Whats new with work? Hows your car running? How are your friends? Who is this new guy your sister is dating? He genuinely cared about all his children and grandchildren and there was no holding back with Papa, he told you like it was with complete honesty and candor.
There is not a sunny day that goes by during summer that I don't think of Grandma, she was the one who created all the sun and beach crazed people in my family (and there are a lot of us). She would have a cooler packed and ready within minutes, beach bags waiting by the door and on the drive to the beach we would tease her, she needed a bumper sticker that read "outta my way, I am going to the beach!" Within minutes of arriving she would be oiled up and ready for some serious bronzing. Not to mention, she is most definitely where I get my infinite love for Dairy Queen, taking all of us grandchildren for an ice cream after a long day at the beach and before dinner...DQ is in my blood I tell Alec. I also learned from Grandma, never to leave the house without my lips on, and how to take a pretty picture. She was so much fun and so full of life, and taught us never to take a sunny day for granted and to appreciate the little things, what she called "Gods Gifts".
So many times I wish we could bring them back, even just for a day. I would show them our home, our wedding photos, our blog, introduce them to Millie, tell them about our baby plans, little Julia's heart, and Jill's upcoming nuptials in Portland. We would have the entire family over, cook up some lobsters from Wolfs, make a blueberry pie with Grandmas recipe, then go for a long walk on Goose Rocks Beach.
But when it comes down to it, I know that they have been right here with all of us ever since the day they left this earth. I find comfort in knowing that they are watching over their family. I know that it was Grandma who got us out of New England and to Florida the day before the blizzard hit, she knew I needed some serious sun (and DQ!) and I said to my Mom when we arrived to Florida a day early that was "all Grandma."
I am so grateful to have had both of them in my life as long as I did. Although I still wish they were here, I see so much of them in my Mom and her siblings, my sisters, cousins and I hope in myself. During the last few hours of Papas life I remember having this epiphany, I realized nothing in life really mattered except the loved ones who are there in the end and the comfort he had in knowing he was going to be reunited with the love of his life and they would spend eternity together.
Loving and missing Grandma and Papa tonight and always.
