Mine Would Be You.

It is hard to believe I made it through another summer without Alec.  I thought that this summer would be easier than last, that I wouldn't think of him so much.  I guess it is now a different kind of grieving experience. I still ache for him like I use to, but now I also grieve for what "should" have been.  This is not how my life was suppose to turn out, I am sad that Alec is not here right now, next to me in bed, talking about the weekend...how we went on the boat, ate lobsters, how delicious Grammy's blueberry pie is, how friggin cute our son was...how blessed we are.  Last night Chase was sick, and on a very rare occasion I let him sleep in my bed.  I whispered to him "I Love You" even though he was sleeping.  It made me remember how much Alec and I use to say that to each other.  It wasn't just a habit, we said it all the time and meant it.  And we would whisper it to each other like I did last night.  And as I thought about it, I realized I still say it to him. When I see a sign or think of him, or if I am missing him, I whisper it, just like I use to...I only wish so badly I could hear him say it back.  

I am grateful for the incredible love I had with Alec, but sometimes realize it is both a blessing and a curse. How am I ever going to find it again?  Is it even possible?  Can you have more than one soul mate? Sometimes I wish I would find out something terrible about him, like...for example...(this is really a wacky example but the first thing I could think of, probably because Chase really likes wearing my clothes lately, he had on my red bikini top last night) but what if I found out he use to dress up as a women on the weekends, then I could think, oh no, he was not perfect, in fact he was down right creepy! But (fortunately or unfortunately?)  there is nothing. He was perfect. Damn you Alec, now I am screwed for life!! I turned to Alec's sister Tam the other day, (after his Mom and I were crying into each others arms) and asked her why her brother had to be so perfect, why did I have to be so in love with him?  Stupid love...That's what Alec would say if he were in my shoes right now.  In all seriousness, I feel blessed because I know that not everyone experiences this kind of love, and I know that despite my great loss, grief, sadness, void in my life, my heart, etc, etc...there are some people who would trade what they have for what I had in a second.  And that is what made us so damn special.  

I heard a song the other day by Blake Shelton, "Mine Would Be You".  As soon as I heard it, I had to have it...so I downloaded it to itunes and played it over and over and over.  Then I just couldn't get enough, I had to tattoo it onto my body.  There is no other song that reminds me more of what Alec and I had.  He was the best thing that ever happened to me.  My finest hour, best day ever, wildest dream come true...Mine would be you Alec Cyr.

Mine would be you

Sun keeps shining, back road flying
Singing like crazy fools
Making up our own words
Laughing 'til it hurts
Baby, if I had to choose
My best day ever
My finest hour, my wildest dream come true
Mine would be you

What's your double dare, your go all in?
The craziest thing you ever did?
Plain as your name in this tattoo
Look on my arm, mine would be you

Mine would be you
Sun keeps shining, back road flying
Singing like crazy fools
Making up our own words
Laughing 'til it hurts
Baby, if I had to choose
My best day ever
My finest hour, my wildest dream come true
Mine would be you

What's the greatest chapter in your book?
Are there pages where it hurts to look?
What's the one regret you can't work through?
You got it baby, mine would be you
Yeah you got it baby, mine would be you

Our first Acadia trip...I love the love in my eyes...

Mine would be you...