Maine-iacs.

I am so glad that brutal winter is over. It was a rough one...I enjoy the snow and all the activities that go with it, but anyone who knows me knows I am a summer girl, sunshine, tan lines and sandy toes is what I prefer.  

This spring has been less then perfect too, but the cold, raw days haven't slowed us down or kept us inside. Every day after school and work I let Chase choose an "adventure".  This means either a walk on the beach or a hike through one of our 4 favorite trails, all within a couple miles from home.  I still believe that boys are like dogs and need to be "run", they need fresh air and to let those little legs go full speed, excersise changes everything, he sleeps better, he is in a better mood and we get quality time together, surrounded by peaceful, beautiful nature, and there is nothing better then enjoying Mother Nature with a toddler by your side.  

I get asked often "why Maine?"  And, to be honest, my life would be a lot easier if I did live in Mass, closer to my family, my friends, my job (still an hour and 45 minute commute!). But to me, there is no where else in the world I would rather be.  Growing up, visiting my grandparents here, I fell in love. Maine is part of my DNA I say.  It's in my blood.  After living in Newport, California and Boston, my heart longed for Maine.  Each time we would cross the Pisquatica Bridge, I would get this feeling of complete happiness and a sense of being home.  Alec's sister told me once that Alec moved to Boston only in hopes to find his future wife and move her back to Maine.  I think I ended up being the one who persuaded him into our little town, a little further up the state than he wanted and a little further East and off the highway.  But it was all worth it.  And now, I have my son, who gets to grow up in this glorious state, with the beach a stones throw away, miles and miles of trails in our back yard and the ability to enjoy each beautiful season which brings change and different "adventures".  

I thank my grandparents, for brining me to their beautiful state.  For teaching me that beauty surrounds us, the ocean, the woods, the food, even in the people who live here.  I hold close the memories I have of my Gramma and Papa, taking us on the very same trails that Chase and I walk daily, on thier cross country skiis, out picking blueberries, at the beaches, eating lobsters, driving us around at dusk looking for deer, and then taking all their grandchildren to get an ice cream (before dinner!) after a long day at the beach.  To me, life just doesn't get any better than that.  How lucky I am to continue to enjoy each one of those traditions with my little boy.  Making each day count, enjoying the little things that in the end are the big things and really the only things that matter. 

I am grateful and blessed to be able to call this beautiful place my home. 

Maine...really is the way life should be.  

Hello Spring.

I am back...from hibernation.

For the past 4+ years I have kept this blog and I pour my heart out for anyone in the world to see.  Every once and a while I check to see how many people read it or how many "visits" I get.  I am unsure why but within the last 2 months or so, my little bloggy blog was getting a little too much attention.  It went from about 100 hits a day to 700+ and I kind of freaked out.  I am wanting and willing to share this story of mine for anyone who cares to read it and I appreciate those who do (more than I could ever express!). Writing here makes me happy and has been therapeutic in a way.

All the while I have hoped that maybe somewhere out there I have helped someone.  When Alec first died, all I wanted was to read about other widows, how they were doing, what they felt, how far they had come.  And to be honest, there was not ONE out there that inspired me or gave me hope, not even one that I would revisit because they were just so darn depressing.  I do not want my life to be defined by loss and heartache, I do not want to be a widow forever.  I want to live, love, laugh, make the most of each day and prove that life can go on and it can be even more BEAUTIFUL.

Safety...is a concern.  I try not to give too much away here, but with the google-y google world we live in, it is pretty hard to be even slightly anonymous.

And then...there is the part where I meet someone, and that someone can google my name and pretty much read my entire life story and know every little thing about me within hours.

So theres that.  Sigh.  Conflicted,  torn, wondering.  That is where my head is.  Do I continue this?  Do I not?

I am so grateful for my faithful followers.  From day one, this has been an incredible outlet for me, a support network, a place to share our best days and our worst...a place where I could vent, hope, pour my heart out and know that we were being prayed for, cared for, and loved, from both near and far.

I prayed,  and thought long and hard over the last month.  And I decided that I want to keep up my little blog.  I am hoping after my "hibernation" that the views will go back down to a 100 (maybe those 600 others will have forgotten about me and moved on).  As for meeting someone, well, this "someone" will have to love this part of me too and I feel pretty confident that he will.

I apologize for dropping off the face of the earth for a month.  I am truly, truly grateful for every one of you...this has become such an important part of me and has allowed me to express my feelings, emotions, it helps me sort out my life and relationship with God and Alec.  It has helped me navigate through this "journey" and I am so thankful to have the support and love and encouragement from anyone who happens to "peek" in on my little life.  Those of you whom I am lucky enough to call friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, and even those who I have never met...thank you.  You have guided me, inspired me and helped me through more then you will ever know.  I am grateful.

Thank you and I will be back!