Everyone Needs A Little Sunshine...

Life's A Beach! 

Chase and I got back from a long, sunny vacation in Florida.  We were there for almost two weeks, and for the first time in months and months, I felt normal, and rested and even a little happy. 

We had family coming and going, the Lombardo's greeted us, my Dad came a few days later and Jill visited for a weekend. 

The beach was beautiful and Chase is just like his Momma, a little beach bum.  Playing in the sand, the water, and taking long naps with a gentle sea breeze...ahh...life is good!

We literally went to the beach EVERY day...9 days in a row.  Chase didn't even get a dot of color (SPF 75 really does work) and I actually read and finished 2 books!  I use to read all the time, book after book.  But for some reason, ever since Alec died, I haven't been able to, the two books I read were books I could relate to and maybe that is why I finished them.  I am glad I still know how to read.

We went to the zoo, the aquarium and did I mention the beach? 

                                                Chase and Papa petting the sting rays! 

Looking for fishes!

Chase loves to go out to eat! 

I missed Alec, as I do every day.  When I am not home I find that I miss him more.  Maybe it is because I have more time to think, or maybe it is because I am away from our home and his things.  There were a few times where I would see something...I tee shirt with a sail fish for example, and I would think, ohh!  Alec would like that!  I must buy it for him!  Only to get snapped back to my reality...that Alec is not here any more. 

My heart still aches for him, and I think of him constantly.  I can not believe it has been six months.  I do not know how I get through my days without him.  But somehow the days come and go, the weeks and months still fly by, and life does move forward, whether I am ready or not.

Chase is my life, I love him so much, I can not even imagine what I where I would be without him.  He is the reason I have to get out of bed in the morning (and a couple times in the middle of the night!) and he puts smiles on my face that I never thought possible.  Little by little I am once again experiencing joy, somehow it is finding its way back into my heart.  I think of all the things that I do not get to enjoy with Alec anymore, a walk, a bike ride, a sunset, but then I look down and there is a little baby boy, who looks just like his Daddy, looking up at me with such wonder and love and I am reminded that I do have someone to share those experiences with.  And I know how much Alec would want me to continue doing all those things we loved to do so much...and he is right there with us...always. 

                                                I adore him, just like I adored his Daddy...

                                                              Chase loves his Daddy...

Me and My Little Beach Baby...

Always.

Just when I think I am alone...I look up at the sky and see this...and I know Alec is with me and his baby, always.

And then I read this quote...
"Sometimes I feel frozen in place, as though I will never move or grown again. But all the time, One who is higher than I is leading me through this dark land."

-Martha Whitmore Hickman

And hear my favorite song...

Light Up the Sky, By The Afters

When I’m feeling all alone and so far to go
The signs are nowhere on this road guiding me home
When the night is closing in
It’s falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close

Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me

When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don’t feel them shining
When I can’t see beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I’ve almost reached the end
Like a flood You’re rushing in
Love is rushing in

Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me

So I run straight to Your arms
You’re the bright and morning Sun
To show Your love, there’s nothing You won’t do

Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me

Trouble.

This kid is trouble...


Yep, thats Chase in the dishwasher.



And climbing the stairs....

And going through the cabinets, squirting syrup and dish soap in his mouth.

Now I know why we named him Chase...because I am constantly Chasing him around...this little guy gets into everything! His new favorite activities include but not limited to:

-Pulling Millie's tail
-Running the tap on the Poland Springs
-Flipping over Millie's water dish
-Eating Millie's dog food (Poor Millie)
-Going through the cabinets ( and dumping out Grandma's bag of sweet and low, sorry Grandma...may want to bring more of that up)
-Crawling around with my socks in his mouth (wonder where he learned that trick!)
-Climbing up stairs, the chairs...and my leg.
-Emptying out my drawers as I am trying to put my clothes away
-Not playing with any of his toys!

And I think he is spending too much time on my ipad...this morning I was reading him a book and he started swiping away at the book, and getting very angry that nothing was happening.

But he still gives the best hugs, makes me laugh all day and he gives me a million reasons to smile.

I love my baby boy.