I'm Free!!!

I still can't believe Chase is, in his words... "free, free!"  (3!! 3!!!)

When I look at his pictures from his Birthday party, he is no longer a baby...he is a little boy.

The joy, the love, the happiness, that this child has brought not only me, but so many...it is insurmountable, immeasurable, unbelievable really...that one little life can have such an impact in three short years.

His humor, his hugs, the light in his eyes, his laugh, his sense of wonder, sense of adventure, his confidence, his ability to love everyone, to walk into a room and make people smile...he is one special little boy.

He is the light, he is the future, he is hope, he is love, he is a gift from God.

Now, I take a deep breath...and brace myself for the terrible "free's"!

Chase...you are loved by so many.

Happy Birthday Chase!!!!

Little laughs..

This happened today...20 minutes before speaking in front of 25 physicians. 

Head in the clouds much?

Good thing there was a Bloomingdales across the street, although I would have preferred Payless!  

Chase n' Fish

Finally...the boat has an official name!

Chase n' Fish was launched this weekend, now, it's time to start catching fish!

Dream New Dreams

Brian sent this to Jilll...and I love it and needed to share.  Wish we knew where it came from....but pretty sure those are not Brian's fingers.

This can some up how our summer is starting out!  

The best is yet to be.  

Miracles.

What amazes me most about the human spirit is that even after unimaginable loss, we are somehow able to regain courage, overcome our greatest fears, keep faith in The Lord and move forward through life.

It has been almost a year since Annie and Bella were born, and there have been some really bad days, days where sadness and heartache seemed to weigh on us all, as if a dark cloud had moved in and it was never lifting. Walking around Castle Island with my sister over the last year, sometimes it seemed like a cruel joke, when we would pass by a set of twins or pink balloons tied to a mailbox, or a cute mom-to-be.  I could see her eyes well up, I could feel her heart breaking all over again, why did these babies live?  Why do these parents get to hug and kiss their children every night?  Why is this so unfair?

Anger, sadness, hopelessness, envy, emptiness.  That sums up the last year for my sister and her husband.

But then, as always, LOVE wins.  The love that Jill and Brian have for each other, the love they want to give a child, the love that they deserve to receive, the love that has surrounded them, the love that creates miracles.  Love happened.  And with love comes hope. And then when you have hope, miracles happen, and that brings us to June 27th, 2014, Jill's expected due date.

Being pregnant after such a devastating loss has not been easy.  They still mourn the death of Annie and Bella, and for what should be.  It was bitter sweet to hear of her pregnancy.  Yes, we were thrilled and grateful that it happened so quickly, but then, she shouldn't have to be pregnant again, she should have two baby girls in her arms.  It has been scary, what if it happens again?  How could we possibly get through another tragedy?  Every day has been a day to "get through" for them.  9 months of "getting through" this pregnancy....each day is one day closer to having a healthy baby.

I have learned so much in the last year witnessing Jill and Brian.  They went through a devastating loss, they were tested, their hearts were shattered, their dreams crushed. Yet...they never gave up.  They have been a true example of what it means to be husband and wife.  When one was down the other was right there, literally drying tears for one another.  When Brian had a bad day, Jill would rush home from work to be by his side, when Jill was upset, it gave me such comfort in knowing he was there for her, helping her cope, allowing her to grieve openly.  And through it all, they somehow managed to smile, to laugh again.   Then most incredibly, they courageously decided to try again, to put aside their fears and put their faith in God.  Now we pray for the safe, healthy,  arrival of what will be the most loved, precious, bundle of joy, into our lives.

This summer.  This summer.  This summer.  It is all I keep saying.  The summer of love, of hope, of miracles.

No two parents deserve this more then Jill and Brian.  We can not wait to welcome their third baby into the world.  Annie and Bella although only here for a brief moment, our lives were forever changed, and they will always be a part of our families.

Happy Mothers Day!

Mothers Day.

Yesterday Jill and Brian and many family and friends walked in the March of Dimes in memory of Annie and Bella, and what a day!  We were surrounded by so much Hope and Love, it was beautiful, the people, the walk, the teams, the weather.

Being there the day before Mothers Day was a sweet reminder of just how lucky I am.  I get to hold and kiss my little super hero son, I get to play with him, talk to him, teach him, I get to show him the beautiful things in the world.  To be a mother to a living breathing child is something we can easily take for granted.

There were so many women yesterday, my sister included, who long to hold their babies, who are mothers, but not always acknowledged as one.  Jill has babies, 2 beautiful little girls in heaven, she is a mother. Her friends who I met who have also lost their babies...they are mothers too.  We can't see or hold or watch their babies grow, we can only imagine these perfect little angels with perfect little wings, all with God and surrounded by His Grace.  These Mothers, arms empty, hearts aching, but yet they still manage to smile, to laugh and to have hope that they will have more babies that they will love and cherish like no other Mother, because they really know what a gift it will be to hold and kiss their child and watch them grow.

I pray for all those women I saw yesterday, especially my sister, that they have a Happy Mothers Day today.  That they keep the Faith, the Hope.  I pray that they know they have an uncapped capacity to love and have no fear, that the babies to come will show them a love like no other.  Loss and heartache changes everything, it gives a whole new perspective on life, never allowing you to take a moment for granted.  Every dirty diaper, spilled milk, sleepless nights, to parents like my sister and her husband, that is all they ever wanted, and to have a perspective where you are thankful for a dirty diaper!  How wonderful will that be?  Going through life, raising a child with that kind of Love and Gratitude, there is no greater gift!

As for me, I am one lucky Mama.  Chase is an amazing child, I have never seen a child spread so much love, joy, happiness, hope, laughter, every where he goes.  And I know that he is a reflection of me, his Mama, and that makes me feel really, really good.

And to his Mimi, Chase could not have a more adoring, loving, sweet, fun grandmother.  He is spoiled and loved, he is her constant reminder of what Alec was, a talkative, hilarious, adventurer.  A piece of her, a piece of Alec.

Happy Mothers Day to my Mom who I talk to every single day, who knows me like no other, who manages to keep on smiling despite what her daughters have been through.  She encourages us to have no fear, to move forward through life,  to believe, and to love again.  She would fly to the moon and back for her children and grandchildren, she would do anything just to see us smile.

Happy Mothers Day to all the amazing Moms out there!