I can't believe it has been three years.
On one hand it feels like a thousand, on the other it feels like just yesterday. I don't know what to think.
I must say one thing. I am so proud. Proud of who I am today, proud of Chase, proud of how far we have come. I am stronger in every way. I am changed. I was lost, I am found.
Sometimes I feel like shouting from the mountain tops "I made it! I am here! I am not broken any more!". There is life after death and it can be good.
I truly feel as though I made it through the most difficult period of my life. I can see clearly now. My life makes sense, I do not fear the future. I put my trust in God. I am going to be OK. I even feel as though this month was closure for me in a way. I can start over, I am different, I am ready. I don't have to or want to be sad anyone, my new life can begin.
A post from my Facebook Page...on 10.23.
Thank you for all the birthday wishes! I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life!! As today marks three years since Alec's death, I am grateful for so much. For our darling son, and the joy he brings to so many. I am grateful for the ability to cherish each day, and to have a perspective on what really matters. I am grateful for the healing, acceptance and peace that now flow through me. I am grateful that this experience has made me stronger...spiritually, emotionally, even physically, I have chosen to not be defined by grief, but to learn from it...draw strength from it. And most of all I am grateful for the love that in my life...my once shattered, empty, broken heart is whole again and it over flows with love, gratitude and appreciation.
Alec Cyr, you are loved, you are missed, you taught me so much, you are and always will be an inspiration, a hero, thank you. As Chase ever so lovingly said the other morning, "Dada is in my heart and donuts are in my belly"
Amen Chase. Amen. (Although not sure who gave him a donut, must have been your mother
"I loved deeper, spoke sweeter, I gave forgiveness I'd been denying, some day I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying"
-Tim McGraw.
I put together this video about a month ago. Every time I see a ray of light, shining through the sky I think it is Alec. Alec's mom believes the same thing. And looking back at my photos, I have so many photos where those rays of light are visible. One song that really got me through some dark times was "Light Up The Sky" by the Afters. I would listen to it on my morning run, and it always seemed to inspire me, comfort me, heal my heart in a way. To me this is proof that Alec was always with us, he is the light, he is love, he is with God, but forever in our hearts.
And despite Chase only being 3 years old, he gets it. We were crossing the bridge from New Hampshire to Maine this morning and the sun was coming up and although it was mostly cloudy, the sky was a beautiful red along the horizon. He immediately noticed and said "Mom! Look! Daddy did that! Daddy made that sky! Good job Dad. Mom, tell Dad good job!"
Good job Alec, good job.
