Just Pray.

I have never found so much comfort in praying.  Praying, I believe is something that is learned.  I feel as though it is a practice that you get better at over time.  I use to pray for miracles...I would pray for a cure of cancer, pray for Alec to get better...I would pray that it would all be OK.  I now know that praying for such things doesn't work.  As much as God would like to answer these prayers, he can't.  What he CAN do is give us STRENGTH, he can give us, HOPE and FAITH.  He gives us LOVE.

When I first started to pray (or actually plead) to God, I would ask him for something "God, Please help Alec, please make these results be good ones, please make the cancer go away".  But my prayers were never answered.  God would if he could...but he cant.  So then one day I changed the way I prayed.  I prayed for strength in the face of whatever results we had.  I prayed for healing...for our wounded hearts, I prayed and gave thanks for the endless love that surrounded us.  I prayed that whatever challenge we would face next, that we would get through it.

And I still pray.  I pray a lot.  I need it.  I would be lost without it.  I was running the other day, and this gigantic wave of sadness started to crush me...and I actually felt as though I was suffocating, perhaps it was a panic attack or a sadness attack or some other weird feeling of sadness, whatever it was, it was scary.  But instead of succumbing to it, I prayed.  I prayed for strength, and love and healing, and as quickly as that feeling came upon me, it left me and I was OK.

Every night we say our prayers, and Chase folds his little hands and goes through his list of family and friends and of course those special prayers needed.  One night I put him to bed, because he was so tired and I didn't think he needed to be up even for another minute.  But he started screaming..."pay, pay!  I need to pay!"  I had know idea what he was saying at first, then I realized he needed to say his prayers.  It actually made me feel happy and proud, that my little guy takes praying so seriously.

So, when in need, when all else fails, pray.

35...59...63

35...years my parents have been married (Happy Anniversary on January 20th!)

59...years old, my Mom turned yesterday, Happy Birthday Mom/Gammy!

and 63...years old, my Dad turns tomorrow!  Happy Birthday Dad/Papa!

I really do not think my Dad looks 63, or my Mom 59.  I hope I have their genes when it comes to aging...oh wait I do!  Lucky Me!

Chase and I are blessed to have Gammy and Papa...I have never seen a child more in love with his Grandparents. He adores his Gammy and idolizes his Papa.  We are beyond spoiled and lucky to have both my parents and Alec's Mom, "Mimi" (whom Chase also adores and loves like crazy)  for grandparents.  It is a very special bond...one that I was fortunate enough to have with both sets of grandparents, something I now realize that not every child has. Grandparents are a gift, they are the ones that never say no, always come with treats and toys and can literally "spoil" their grandchildren rotten.

When Gammy, Papa or Mimi are around, I basically don't exist (ahem...this weekend).  I am an after thought, I am the one who gives that look when I see Papa giving him even more candy or Gammy sneaking him his third cookie or Mimi buying him yet another toy.  I am the face that Chase wants nothing to do with, I am the one who may say "no!"  But it is all perfectly OK with me, I am happy to be the one in the background when the Grandparents are around, Chase deserves all that special attention...and so do they.

It makes my heart happy knowing that Chase has such a special set of people in his life.  There is nothing like the love of a Grandparent.

Happy 35 years!
Happy Birthdays!
Thank you for all you do for us!   We love you very, very much!

Happy Birthday Gammy!!

Happy Birthday Papa!  

"Grandma always made you feel like she was waiting to see just you all day, and now the day was complete."  Marcy DeMaree

"The only thing better than having you as our Dad, is our children having you as a Papa." - Unknown

"A Grandchild fills a space in your heart you never knew was empty"  - Unknown

Beach Bum.

A real beach bum doesn't just go to the beach in the summer or on the warm sunny days.  A real beach bum goes to the beach in January...during a "Polar Vortex".  A real beach bum jumps in tide pools with frigid water temps.  A real beach bum doesn't want to go home, even though the sun has gone down and his pants are soaking wet.  A real beach bum goes to 4 different beaches, just because he can.  A real beach bum wants (and tries) to rip off his clothes so he can go splashing in the waves.  This little apple did not fall far from his tree...not far at all.  

Me...at Goose Rocks, probably in the dead of winter and same age as Chase.  2 words...Beach. Bum.

In Jill's Words...

Nothing like a little HOPE in the dead of winter...

And never, ever stop BELIEVING.  

New Years Resloution.

Jill and I started our own little blog, we aren't really sure what it's about yet, (some posts are about nail polish, some about grieving, there's even one about lamps)  and we don't feel ready to share with family and friends, (simply because we feel like complete dorks).  But I absolutely loved her post and had to share it...I think it's the best way to start the new year...here is what she wrote...

New Years Resolution

I always have a hard time thinking of a New Years Resolution.  I work out regularly, I eat healthy, I don't smoke and I don't have any other bad habits that I would like to kick.

Instead of making a silly resolution that you won't stick to anyway, try choosing a word and living life by that word.

Heather's word is grateful.  As she mentioned in her last post she even has it tattooed on her wrist. She lives her life gratefully and reflects on how blessed she is daily.  It is an inspiring way to live, and it's fun to watch.  She takes advantage of every moment, she and Chase are always doing something fun and exciting.  Living a grateful life is living a good life.

I have two words I can't choose between...Believe and Hope.  In the New Year I need to believe that things will get better and that we will have our happy ending.  Also Hope is very important to me this year, I honestly believe that if we didn't have hope that we would not be where we are today.  I have hope that we will survive this and that we will have more children and that we will be happy again someday. 

hope

hōp/

noun

1. 1.

   a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

   "he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

   synonyms:

   aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design; More

   • 
     
     

     
     
     
   • 
     
     

     
     
     
2. 2.

   archaic

   a feeling of trust.

verb

1. 1.

   want something to happen or be the case.

   "he's hoping for an offer of compensation"

   synonyms:

   expect, anticipate, look for, be hopeful of, pin one's hopes on, want; More

Don't worry Mom, I am not getting a new tattoo, but I do want to get it in my house. I really love this site . This woman will take any word you want and make it into a scripted little piece of art.

"We're it not for hope, the heart would break."  Scottish Proverb

Baby it's Cold Outside!

Brrr....it has been soooooo cold!  And now, we are up to our eyeballs in snow!  I love winter, I love snow, but when it's any number below 0, forget it!  What good is the snow if we can't even go outside and play in it!!?  

Anything above 9 degrees is my threshold for playing outside.  We went running in 12 the other day and sledding in 15 today.  Tomorrow is supposed to be 27 which will feel like a heat wave!  Maybe I should get my bathing suit out!? 

My sisters, Mom and I have always said we were "solar powered" we need the sun, or else...

For me, I get annoyed, antsy, bored out of my mind, etc.  I wish I could be a person who enyoyed staying inside from time to time, reading a good book, watching movies all day.  But I am not.  I need to be outside, and need a good healthy dose of sunshine and excersise at least once a day.  This last week was rough, I couldn't wait till 5:00 pm so I could have a glass of wine, after spending the day with Chase, cooped up in the house, I'm lucky I didn't drink more than wine and more than 2 glasses!  

As soon as the temps allow, we are outside.  Sledding, xcountry skiing or snowshoeing.  And Chase, loves winter and everything that goes with it.  He eats the snow, rolls around in it, wants to hike through it and he is a little dare devil on his sled, wanting to go alone, backwards, upside down, spinning around.  It makes me wonder what I may be in store for in the future.  If he's anything like his Dad, I'm in trouble...climbing up Mt. Washington in January so he could snowboard down it...sometimes with friends, sometimes alone, yeah, I'm sure Chase will be following in his footsteps in which case I'm in BIG trouble.

All I know is I am grateful for having a very warm house to come inside to, and grateful for hot coco, pottery barn furry blankets, and the NH liquor store for the cases of red wine I buy with no tax ;)...all of which are necessities to get through winter.  And most grateful for my little snow buddy, who loves winter in Maine as much as his Momma (who loves summers in Maine 100x more) but winter is pretty fun too!