Only The Good Die Young

Only the good die young.

Why is that?  That only the good die young?  Or that bad things seem to only happen to good people?  I really struggle with this question.  I try to understand, try to make sense of it.  After reading about the lives of those two young firefighters (and thanking God that both my brother-in-laws were OK) I am trying to grasp death all over again.  These men who died, were not just firefighters.  One was 33, a volunteer "Big Brother", he was training for the marathon because he was a first responder to the bombings last year and felt compelled to run, he was veteran, he was a hero in more ways than one.  And then the other man, a 42 year old father of three who was described as a "family man", a "true gentlemen" he came from a family of firefighters, he played outside with his children, he loved his job, his family.

You never read an obituary about a young man or women that says "drank a 12 pack a day, had few family and friends, never smiled, preferred to stay inside most weekends"

Why is it not deadbeats, or druggies or mean people that die?  Why is it the best of the best, the ones that had the most to offer, the ones that give the most, inspired, the ones who had so much to live for?

I was talking to my friend Cara Chase, whose husband Michael, is the author of "Loving Everyone" and "Am I being Kind" and she had just asked Michael that same question and he had a good answer, and she told me,  but then was sweet enough to go home and re-write what he had said, so that I could try to process his reasoning.  And, to be honest, it is the only answer I have ever heard that actually makes some sense.

From Cara:

Lunch discussion one day with Michael…I was very upset and asked the age old question, "Why do bad things happen to good people…"His reply, as much as I can remember…"Some spiritual teachers believe, (upon incarnation- in the spiritual sense), that before we came to earth, we had a conversation with God. We agree to become a "victims soul". That is one that lives a bright, vibrant, meaningful life but will more than likely leave in a tragic fashion. The reason for this is because it generates an outpouring of love, kindness, and compassion that otherwise would not have taken place with an individual who led a less than kind way of life. It doesn't mean that  individual is good or bad, it just means his soul's purpose is a different path…"

And so, I enter the weekend with a heavy heart, but also inspired.  If I were to die tomorrow, what would people say about me?  How would my obituary read?  If my 33 years were up, would I have fulfilled my contract with God?  Would I have made a difference in this world?  Would life go on the same without me or would there be a gigantic void?  I should hope there would be a void, I should hope the lives of all who knew me would never be the same.  I remember one of Reverend Jan's sermons a couple months back, she told a story of a man who died and then life going on as usual.  His desk was packed up and someone replaced him at work shortly after, and it was as though he never even existed.  It made me sad, for that man, but also inspired me,  I really want to make sure I leave my mark.  I want to have a legacy.  I don't ever want to be "replaceable" I want to have a community of friends and family say the same wonderful things that were said about Alec, about these two firefighters, about all those we have lost too soon and too young.  It does not mean we have to go out and save the world all at once, or run into burning buildings.  But think about it, what can you do to make your life more valuable?  What small thing can you do to help another?  Who would say your eulogy, and what would they say?  Did you live the best life possible?  Did you share the gifts God has given you with others?  

At the post funeral gathering for Alec, one man, who was at least 60 came up to me, with tears in his eyes and said "sitting there today, listening to how Alec lived his life, it changed me, it makes me want to LIVE, to be ALIVE, to take each day and make it the best day possible".  I don't even know who this man was, all I remember is he had a purple button down shirt on and I remember those words.  And thinking about it now, it does make sense, that Alec was put here for a reason, and although taken too soon from me and from all who loved him, he has left a void, he made an impact, and his legacy continues.  

The amount of love, compassion, generosity that the entire country has shown during this time, it truly is incredible, there is so, so much good in this world.  I am amazed every day.

Thank you to those two brave men for not only making the ultimate sacrifice, but for inspiring me to be greater, to go beyond, to make me realize once again that every day is a gift, to give with all my heart, and to remind me that heroes can be ordinary people who live extraordinary lives.  

Rest in Peace Firefighter Mike and Lieutenant Walsh, you are heroes in every definition of the word.    And to all the firefighters out there, especially my 2 brother in laws, thank you, for risking your life without hesitation for the chance to save another.  And may God be with these families, friends and fellow firefighters during this time.  

Pajama Lessons.

Pondering Life...or which puddle to jump in next?

Now I just feel guilty.

Ever since I wrote about Chase being a terror, he has been nothing but a little angel.  I do not know what happened, and I do not care.  Maybe God listed to my prayers?  Maybe Alec heard them and he has some how stepped in?  Maybe Chase could sense my frustration and felt bad for his poor mother?  Or maybe the terrible three's come and go. Whatever happened,  I am thankful.

He (knock on wood) never gets sick.  But Sunday he had a stomach bug and last night the croup.  It is hard to see your baby sick, and not be able to make it better.  Today we were both exhausted (from being up all night) that we watched movies all day long.  All he wanted to do was "cuggle" and give me "big hugs".  He also joined my conference call in the morning, and repeated everything I said and then asked my co-workers if they wanted to play with his trains.  (I had to reassure them he really was sick!)

I always loved the show "Kids Say The Darndest Things" (wouldn't it be nice if we could watch a show like that again...instead of those trashy reality shows!?).    I keep telling myself I need to start a book with Chase Quotes.  He cracks me up on a daily basis.  The other day I picked him up from school and he asked me what kind of crackers he was eating (the teacher sent him home with a snack).  I told him I didn't know.  His response "Well Google it Mumma!"  Then I told him as we looked up at the sky at the stars that Daddy loved stars, they were his favorite.  "Oh, they are my favwite too!" he said.  He asked the other day "what did Auntie do with (insert ex boyfriends name)?  I told him he went to live at the farm.  He thought about this for a moment, "oh, at the farm where Papa takes me?" Ah, yup.  Sure, that farm. (Sorry but it was all I could come up with!)  And then last week, he was wearing Mardi Gras beads  around his neck and calling himself a super hero.  I remembered that his cousins gave him a superman tshirt with a cape attached for Christmas and put it on him.  Wow, the magic that a little red cloth can hold! He hasn't taken it off since, and every time I call him a "super hero" he has the sweetest little smile on his face.   To me, he is a super hero through and through...he saved my life after all.

A real life super hero at my house!  

But my new favorite is when Chase says "I love you too Mumma".  Finally, I cracked him.  I also smile with pride when he says please and thank you (he is very, very polite).  I love that about him, and I know that would be important to Alec and to my Papa, who use to say "Please and thank you open any door with ease."

The other night I was in the kitchen and his little feet came scampering in, opened a cabinet and then scampered off.  I didn't really pay much attention.  A few (too quiet) minutes later I looked into the living room to see what he was up to.  "Oh, nothin' Mumma", as he sat with a jar of honey and a spoon. "Just suckin on some honey." (Honey...sticky honey, all over him and coffee table, oops!)

His new obsession is movies about pigs.  Charlotte's Web, Gordy and Babe.  These movies are haunting me.  I haven't been able to eat pork since.  First, the pig is taken away from its mother or father.  Then, the entire movie revolves around other animals trying to save him from being butchered.  It is horrifying.  Seriously, if I have to continue to watch them over and over, I may never eat a piece of bacon again.  Luckily there are no movies about lobsters, scallops and fish.  I have been working hard to get him into Disney's Cars, or Planes or Toy Story, no more animal movies with slaughter houses please!

Maybe it isn't any magical force that has come down and rescued me from the terrible tantrums and fits after all.  Maybe it is me figuring out this single mother thing.  Letting go of certain things that don't matter (fine...you can wear the same airplane pajamas three nights in a row, it is OK they did not get washed).  I am learning that you can't argue with a 3 year old.  You can't make things make sense to them.  There is no reasoning, or explaining.  There is no negotiating or debating.  And, most importantly, I am learning to choose my battles...because at the end of the day, I want one thing...a good child.  A child who loves,  who is kind, who is true to himself, a child who believes in God and believes anything is possible.  And it does not matter if he does those things wearing unwashed airplane pajamas or his clean firetruck pajamas.  All that matters his little heart...that it is pure, open, loved and happy.

There is so much to look forward to these next few months.  The longer days, the warmer weather (we broke 40 on Saturday...and yes, my mom and I sat out in the sun and went to the beach!)  We go to Florida in April, Chase turns three in May,  we are adding a small addition to our home,  we are getting chickens (and probably starting an orphanage for pigs),  lots of 5K's, a triathlon in June, and then sweet, sweet summer will be here!  Ahhhhhh.....

Things are looking up.  We made it through another winter, more time has passed, more healing to my once shattered heart,  we are happy, healthy and grateful for this LIFE.

Just another snowy hike with my buddy.

A minute before this picture was taken a beautiful deer ran 40 feet from us. Chase was on the hunt to catch him

Midge...is winter ever going to end?

My sweet little super hero.

Even cold beach days beat no beach days!  

This way or that way Millie?

Snowy Hikin'

Night sledding!  

Even super heroes get cranky.

Chase at Disney on Ice with his cousins, his favorite part, the zamboni mid way through (hence the smile and lights on)

Mumma, can you make the snow go away?

Another day another happy hiker.  

Helping Mumma take out the trash, also likes to help pump gas.

20 degrees and puddle jumping...sure why not?  Thats what BOGS are for!

I learned last week that Chase's classmates mom died.  My heart is heavy and I pray for them, that God wraps his love around them, comforts them, and that they know that she is in a place that we can only dream about,  a place that is so beautiful and loving, where there is no pain and suffering.  Chase and I are living proof that life can move forward.  I know that Sandi will never be far from her beautiful family, she is now their angel, watching, guiding, protecting. Her love will follow whererever they go.

May you Rest In Peace Sandi.

"And so, we will be with the Lord forever."
Thessalonians 4:17

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal - Thomas Moore

March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month

March is colon cancer awareness month.

I hear more and more stories of young people being diagnosed with colon/colo-rectal cancer.  I hate cancer. I hate it with every part of my being.

My advice to anyone who will listen...know your body.  Listen to your body.  Be an advocate for yourself. Do not take "no" for an answer. If something changes physically, get it checked out.  Who cares what people think, be over reactive, over protective, push for more testing, do not walk away until you have answers. Research, educate yourself, know the signs, listen to your body.  

I was so mad...a few weeks ago I had a meeting with a group of doctors.  After talking about my products they asked me where I lived, if I had children, and then what my husband did for a living.  When I told the story, about Alec dying, they were of course horrified and saddened.  Then one asked if it ran in his family. No.  I said. Then she proceeded to tell me that it was his diet, that he must have been a "meat" eater and not enough green.  This made my blood boil.  Who was she to tell me "how" my husband got cancer?  And to blame it on his diet!?  That was a slap in the face to me. Actually...No.  He did not eat unhealthy.  In fact, we hardly ate any red meat at all.  We ate fish and chicken 7 nights a week, we ate vegetables with every meal. Salads, fruits, eggs, whole wheat...our weak spot was ice cream, last time I checked ice cream did not cause cancer. We ran together (in fact a marathon the summer before his diagnosis), hiked together (a 12 mile hike up the highest peak in Maine one month before his diagnosis), we were in our "prime" and Alec was not a drinker or a smoker, and he was probably healthier than you and 99% of your patients...Doctor.

And then, a couple weeks ago one of my friends complained about blood in her stool and aches in her pelvic area.  I begged her to get a colonoscopy, she is only 27, but I told her she had to.  She needed to rule out colon cancer.  And she did, and it was internal hemorrhoids, and now we can all sleep at night knowing that she is not going to die of cancer.  I thanked God.

I pray for those who lost their lives to this disease.  I pray for those still fighting.  I pray for TJ and his family, that the new chemo drug he is on works miracles and he lives a long happy life.  I pray that colon cancer is will be as well known as breast cancer, that some day everyone will turn their world blue for the month of March and by doing so it saves more lives.  I pray that no one else I love is ever diagnosed with cancer.

Alec and I, a month and a half before he was diagnosed.  

Our Bar Harbor vacation, 2 months before our lives changed forever.

Alec and Millie...

A picture of health.

Here are the statistics on Colon Cancer...from the Colon Cancer Coalition Website.

http://www.ccalliance.org/index.html

With regular screening, colon cancer can be found early, when treatment is most effective. In many cases, screening can prevent colon cancer by finding and removing polyps before they become cancer. And if cancer is present, earlier detection means a chance at a longer life -- generally, five-year survival rates for colon cancer are lower the further advanced the disease is at detection:

Over 90% of those diagnosed when the cancer is found at a local stage (confined to colon or rectum) survive more than five years.
Once the cancer is diagnosed at a regional stage (spread to surrounding tissue) that rate drops to 69%.
When the cancer has also spread to distant sites, only 12% of those diagnosed will reach the five-year survival milestone.
Stage at Diagnosis

Unfortunately, the majority of colon cancers are not found early (before it has spread):

39% of colon cancers are found while the cancer is found at a local stage (confined to colon or rectum).
37% of colon cancers are found after the cancer is diagnosed at a regional stage (spread to surrounding tissue).
20% of colon cancers are found after the disease has spread to distant organs.
Colon Cancer and Age

90% of new cases and 95% of deaths from colon cancer occur in people 50 or older. However, colon cancer does not discriminate and can happen to men and women at any age.
While rates for colon cancer in adults 50 and older have been declining, incidence rates in adults younger than 50 years has been increasing.
Just launched! New pages with tons of information about young-onset colon cancer, who’s at highest risk and resources for you. Check them out!
Colon Cancer and Ethnicity and Race

Jews of Eastern European descent (Ashkenazi Jews) may have a higher rate of colon cancer.
Partly because of disproportionate screening, African-American men and women have a higher risk of developing colon cancer and a lower survival rate (about 20% higher incidence rate and 45% higher mortality rate) compared to Caucasians, Asians, Hispanics and Native Americans.
The risk of death is also increased for Native Americans and Alaskan Natives.
Colon Cancer and Family History

People with a first-degree relative (parent, sibling, or children) who has colon cancer are between two and three times the risk of developing the cancer than those without a family history.
Colon Cancer Survival Rates

Since the mid-1980s, the colon cancer death rate has been dropping due in part to increased awareness and screening. By finding more polyps and cancer in the earlier (local and regional) stages, it is easiest to treat. Improved treatment options have also contributed to a rise in survival rates.

The five-year survival rate for colon cancer found at the local stage is 90%.
The five-year survival rate for colon cancer found at the regional stage is 70%.
The five-year survival rate for colon cancer found at the distant stage is 12%.
There are currently more than one million colon cancer survivors alive in the US.

These statistics were compiled from the American Cancer Society’s 2012 Cancer Facts & Figures and Colorectal Cancer Facts & Figures 2011-2013.