The Kaleidescope of Life

After opening all of our shiny new gifts Christmas Day, Auntie Beth slipped a little bag in my hand as we were walking out the door to head home. She said, "Oh its just something small, open it when you get home". After we unloaded my car and settled in, I peaked in the bag, read the card, and opened the gift, in the bag was a framed poem and a kaleidoscope. I stood there as I read the poem, crying and smiling. It is my favorite gift, I feel as though this poem is what I have been feeling and thinking for the past year. It brings me back to a conversation that Alec and I once had. About how those living with cancer experience life differently, we see things in a new light and never take a single moment for granted. Although you wouldn't wish cancer on anyone, you wish that they could experience life the way you do now, and its something that you cant even describe or explain until you go though it yourself. Thank you to the Lombardos, for the most special gift.


The Kaleidoscope of Life
By Sandy Brown

The kaleidoscope of life takes many turns.
Just get through today, for tomorrow we yearn.
When the hard times are over, then we'll enjoy.
We'll take time to appreciate each girl and boy.
When this is accomplished and that is done,
we'll gaze at the colors as reflected by the sun.

In an instant, a moment, a simple phone call.
From the domain of the healthy we quickly fall.
Plunged into darkness, disbelief, and fear,
We had such great plans for the coming years.

Our lives changed forever, we look
once again, as the colors of our kaleidoscope
become muddled, and dim.
Out of focus and out of light;
overwhelmed by the deep darkness of night.

We somehow gather the strength and resolve
to accept our disease and get involved.
We take charge of our lives and ready the fight.
We look once again toward the light.

Everything is now different as our kaleidoscope turns.
The colors, so brilliant, the light brightly burns.
We wonder at the beauty like never before.
The dazzling colors?we want to see more!

With each gentle turn we gaze in awe.
Have the leaves always been this color in Fall?
Have the flowers of Springtime always bloomed like this?
Have my family and friends always brought me such bliss?

Every day now counts. We seek something good.
We wish for a moment that everyone could
See through our eyes the joy and delight.
The extraordinary vision into our kaleidoscope of life.

What a Wonderful Life!

What a beautiful Christmas! I can not believe what a Christmas we had, it was perfect and we are so blessed.

Christmas Eve was quiet and peaceful. Alec's family came over and we had a nice dinner and headed off to church. Going to church Christmas Eve is a new tradition that Alec and I started last year and it is one of my favorite parts of the Christmas celebration. And, since we are always, always late to church, we had a front row seat! The service was amazing, straight out of a movie, I was sad when it was over. It is a reminder of what Christmas is all about...CHRIST, HOPE and MIRACLES. We have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to in 2011.

I was so excited Christmas morning, not to open my gifts but to give Alec his tuna rod and reel that his mom, sister and I got him (those things I swear are made of real gold!) We saved it for last and he was so excited! I don't think he can wait until summer to got fishing.



I was absolutely thrilled with my big gift, a new refrigerator! I LOVE it. I really had no idea that I was getting a fridge...until I saw it wrapped earlier last week. After receiving a couple Home Depot cards for my Birthday, and purchasing a new oven, I looked at the fridge as an eyesore, you just cant have an old white fridge and stainless oven!



Alec also gave me a new TV for the kitchen, now I can watch the news while I cook (that does not stop me from wanting a doorway into the living room!) But it will do for now. We both got lots of other goodies, from each other and family, we really were so blessed with so much.

We have also made it a tradition to go for a walk on the beach Christmas Day. It was such a beautiful day, and it felt good to walk off some of those Christmas cookies!



Christmas day we headed down to Massachusetts to be with my family and it is not quiet and peaceful with all 16 of us, but I love it and we continue to add more every year, new husbands, babies, and dogs (a couple frogs too!)



It is hard to believe that the holidays are coming to an end. Our tree is already down (it looked like it would burst into flames by lighting a match in another room!) Christmas only seems to get better as we get older. We are so thankful for all our lovely gifts, a warm safe home, our loving family and friends, and God for carrying us through.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."

Thank you for all your prayers, love and support.

Love,

Heather, Alec and Millie



What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.
-Agnes M. Pharo

Merry, Merry Christmas!!

It is hard to believe Christmas in 2 days!

The hustle and bustle of Christmas is certainly here, between baking Christmas cookies, shopping, partying and oh yeah, working, I haven't sat down in weeks!

Things are great with us, Alec had a follow-up appointment last week with Dr. Wain and everything looks fantastic. He is so impressed with Alec's improvement and said he was way ahead of schedule, recovering faster than normal...no surprise there! I did ask when he would be able to carry in the fire wood again, Dr. Wain said he still has to take one log at a time. Looks like I am the going to be lugging in that wood for a few more weeks!

We made the rounds to all Alec's doctors and nurses, wishing them a Merry Christmas and giving them cookies. Alec actually decorated the gingerbread men to look like little doctors with stethoscopes and masks on! It is nice to see the team at MGH and thank them for believing in us. I said to Alec that there is nothing we can say or do to ever show our gratitude, "Dr. Allen, here are some cookies we made you, oh, and thank you for saving Alec's life".

The past few weekends we have been hanging out with friends and family and have enjoyed every second. A few weeks ago Liz, Brian and Lyss and Steve came up for the day. It was fun just to kick back and relax with some good friends and good food. Last weekend we went to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party at Cat and Jay's house. I am not going to lie, I was not at all excited about the thought of dressing up in an ugly sweater. I think it stems back from living in San Fran and Meg and I would be out at the bar all dressed up cute and in would come these 30 somethings wearing hideous sweaters. But it was really fun and so great to see all my high school friends. (Although I looked like an oommpa loompa in my ugly sweater). Alec won a prize for one of the best sweaters. Last year I had given him a little chipmunk ornament with a note asking him to stop shooting them and apologizing for storing all his nuts in his truck. Alec took the chipmunk and sewed it onto his shoulder...it was pretty cute, especially if you knew how much those little critters
drove him crazy. He won a very sexy prize...
Alec wearing his new prize and notice the chipmunk on his shoulder!

All the Feehan girls.
Alec and Jon, and Jon is wearing my Moms sweater. Yes, my Moms, circa 1990 ish?
Alec and Jay. Jay had a very pretty turtleneck on. What really made me laugh was when we were leaving Jay had to go out to the packy for more beer, wearing that outfit. I am surprised he made it back alive.

And last night we went out for Caitlin's 30th Birthday. We met up at the new Strega on the waterfront and it was so good. I love going to places where old Italian waiters tell us girls how beautiful we are. I am not sure exactly what they say...all I here is Bella this and Bella that, but I know what Bella means :)
Nothing like making a bunch of 30 year olds feel beautiful!

Alec has been busy, busy in his Santas workshop. He made his mom and Alfred 3 huge bookcases in 2 days! I cant believe how fast he put these together. Remember in Elf where Buddy makes the rocking horse out of the TV stand? I swear that is what I witnessed.





I am finally done shopping. Apparently Alec is too. He wont let me open my gift, and I am not really sure what it could be...hmmm...any ideas?
I am not allowed to open it until Christmas day (except to get food). But I cant wait!

And here is Alec...sitting by the fire with a good book. I recently read "Unbroken" by Lauren Hillenbrand. This was one of the BEST books I have ever read. (In case anyone is looking for a last minute gift!) I read all 400+ pages in a week, I could not put it down. It was keeping me up until midnight some nights. Now Alec started reading it and is already more than halfway through. It is a true story about Louie Zamporini, an Olympic runner who was also a WWII POW. The book is amazing and it shed a whole new light on our veterans and what they went through. They truly were the "Greatest Generation". All of our grandfathers were hero's and I wish mine were still around, I have so many questions to ask them. Many times throughout the book I thought, God, how have they not given up!? What was most interesting to me was how (without spoiling the plot) each soldiers outlook on life determined whether or not they were going to make it out alive. Those men who were optimistic about being rescued and had not given up hope survived longer than the men who had lost all hope. It just proves my theory that people who believe and never lose hope are those who can overcome all adversities. I cant wait for him to finish the book, because the end is the best part :)

It was so nice to see and spend time with so many friends and family this month. It amazes me every day how many people we have to be thankful for. I had a lunch with an OB/GYN group where Alec used to call on and you would think that he was family to them, that is how much they care. It makes us feel so good to know we are being prayed for every day by so many of you, it means so much.


We hope you all have a WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS! We are very much looking forward to the next few days with family. I love going to church on Christmas Eve, it brings us back to why Christmas is so important and fills me with HOPE that miracles are happening all around us. We are so lucky and we count our blessings every day.

Thank you and Merry Christmas!!!!

All our love,

Heather, Alec and Millie

Charlie Boy

Charlie is cheering for Alec all the way from Portland, Oregon! This is probably one the the cutest pictures ever. I really want a puppy now, I wonder if its too late to ask Santa?

Charlie is Meg and Jesse's new puppy! (My Cali roomate Meg). She sent it to us when Alec was in recovery but I just got it today. I keep looking at it and trying to pet his little face through my screen. God, who doesnt just LOVE a puppy!?

Even puppies from the West Coast are thinking of Alec and cheering him on. We really are SO LUCKY!

A Christmas Miracle!

Good News Alert!

Alec had his post surgery follow up appointment yesterday and finally...some good news! Dr. Ferrone went over all the pathology reports and all margins were negative, which means they took the tumor out, along with extra tissue, all that tissue surrounding the tumor was negative therefore, all the cancer is gone from his liver. Best news...remember how in October we got good and bad news, the good being that his lung and lymph node tumors had shrunk and the disease stabilized, the bad was that the liver tumor had grown 1cm? I could not understand those scans, why would chemo work on some tumors and not the others? It was all the same cancer, it didn't make sense. Pathology results concluded that the liver tumor had actually NOT grown. The tumor, consisted of dead cells (cancer cells that had been killed by chemo) and those cells retained water, making it look like it had gotten bigger on the scan. Bottom line, CHEMO WAS WORKING AFTER ALL! To say we were relieved and thrilled is an understatement. We were given so much HOPE yesterday that we actually danced our way out of the appointment (literally, we danced). We also treated ourselves to 2 giant lobster rolls last night, we think we deserved at least a lobster roll after all we went through.

All the prayers are working and we are filled with HOPE AGAIN! Alec certainly has a more positive outlook, at least we know now when chemo starts again in January it will be worth it. We still have a long road and there are no guarantees, but again, it all comes down to having HOPE. Thank you Dr. Ferrone, Dr. Waine and Dr. Allen for giving us the best Christmas present ever.

Speaking of Christmas, we enjoyed kicking off the season at the Christmas Prelude this past weekend. Jill, my Mom, and the Lombardos were here. We went downtown for a little shopping, eating, and spreading the Christmas cheer. Sunday, Amy, Keith, Kendalle, Steve, Cat, Jay and Alli all came up for another day of shopping, eating and being merry.


Alec and I at the Franciscan Monastery, singing along to Christmas carols.

Santa coming in on a Lobster boat!



The Lombardos


Boston girls up for a visit.

Thank you all for your prayers, we are so grateful to finally get some good news. We couldn't ask for anything more this Christmas (except Alec wanting a tuna rod and reel...JK, JK). But seriously, we have nothing if we do not have Hope. Nothing like BELIEVING in a Christmas Miracle!

All our love,

Heather, Alec and Millie

Happy December 1st!

Amy was in NYC last weekend and looked up and saw this! She sent it to us the next day and said "I immediately thought of you, it was so massive and pretty and sparkly and lit up the sky!" Thanks Amy! I wish I could put "Believe" on the side of my house! Love it!

XO

Heather

So much to be Thankful for!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We sure did, it was so nice and relaxing. Alec's family came down and my family came up. All 9 of us fit comfortably around the table while the 3 dogs sat underneath it waiting for someone to drop some turkey. Alec said Grace and it was beautiful. He thanked God for getting us through the last few weeks, for each other, for our friends, family, the team at MGH, Bam, our home and the food we were about to eat. When you add it all up, we truly do have so much to be thankful for.
Thanks to the Lombardos for the beautiful centerpiece, it made the table!
I made the turkey and it was delish, I think the hardest part of cooking the turkey is pulling out its neck and gizzards...YUCK! Then we all pitched in with the fixins. My favorites...Jill's sweet potato pie, Mom's cornbread stufffin and Auntie K's cranberry bread. Doesn't get any better than that!


Friday my Mom, Jill and I headed out to shop, not black Friday style, but to our favorite store...Mardens! We each spent about $75, on what, we still aren't sure yet! But we had fun and lets just say not too many people shop at Mardens on black Friday. I swear some of the stuff has been there since 1982. Jill found a true gem, a sewing book circa 1975 with lots of funny photos, we had a good laugh.

Friday afternoon we headed to the Christmas tree farm and under 5 minutes picked our tree and cut it down. Since my Dad had gone home, we were lucky to have Alec's friend Tom visiting and he chopped down the tree and carried it into the house and put it up for us. Although Alec is feeling good, carrying a tree would be on his list of things not to do over the next few months!


I decorated the tree last night and it looks so pretty. I think people with colored lights on the tree are a dying breed, but I love it and want it the way it was when we were growing up. Alec refuses to let me put up any tinsel...I think I will crack him someday, or maybe I will put our kids up to it.

Today, Alec, Millie and I went for a little walk on the beach! It was such a beautiful day and the first time he has been to GRB in a few weeks. We walked slowly but he felt good and wants to go again tomorrow morning.



John and Jaime sent us these photos of their children wearing the "Believe" bracelets that the Lombardos had made for us, I thought they were SO CUTE!

Alex and Ellie, checking out their new bling.

Cool, they like them.

Alec is Alex's Godfather!

Alex, Ellie and big brother Jack. Jack, John and Alec had gone fishing a few months ago. Jack loves to fish and hunt...a true Maine Man in the making!

We are so Thankful for all of you and for everything we do have. Thank you for the everlasting love and support. We are so blessed and not a day goes by that we do not thank God for that.

Love,

Heather, Alec &
Millie

On the Mend

Alec is feeling a little better every day. He is moving around easily now, but still gets really tired and winded. He even takes little walks up and down the driveway every few hours. I can not believe how far he has come in such a short amount of time. I asked him last night how he was doing, mentally, with everything he just went through (it has to take a toll on a person). His response was "Heath, I am fine, I am a fighter". And that was that.

I even had trouble getting off the couch this weekend. I think I was just emotionally spent and physically exhausted. I took 3 naps (I NEVER take naps!) and it felt good. I did take Millie for two long walks to the beach, its amazing how a little salt air can clear your head and rejuvenate the soul. Millie certainly was happy to be back at Goose Rocks Beach! She ran up and down the beach and even went for a swim. Alec's best friends, John and Jaime stopped in for a few hours on Sunday and it was really great to see them, I think Alec enjoyed the company. Jack, their 5 year old went to school today with his blue "Believe" bracelet on and told his teacher he was wearing a "special bracelet and he cant take it off"...How cute!

We are looking forward to Thanksgiving with our families this week. I am making the turkey and the rest will be a team effort. I can not wait! We have so much to be thankful for!

Thank you for the prayers and support. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and time with family. Every day is a blessing :)

Love,

Heather, Alec & Millie

Home Sweet Home

Finally! We are home and it.feels.so.good.

I actually walked into the house and kissed it.

Alec felt well enough today and all his tubes were out and vitals were perfect so finally he was discharged. 9 DAYS he was at MGH. Looking back it is kind of a blur, or a fog and each day ran into another. I, along with many others are so glad that he did the lung surgery this week. We ran into Dr. Ferrone and she was very happy he made that decision. She said after the first surgery, to have him come back in three weeks is just not good for a patient, causing anxiety, fear and dread. All that is behind us now and we can focus on the Holidays and spending time with family and friends.

My Mom asked Dr. Ferrone how long it takes for the liver to regenerate. This absolutely blows my mind...3 weeks! 3 weeks for 60% of his liver to grow back! No wonder why he is so tired, one week has already gone by which means the liver is already over 30% regenerated! The human body is so amazing.

Millie was SO HAPPY to see Alec, I actually became all teary eyed when they were reunited. She did not jump or go crazy, she snuggled up to him and licked him, I said if dogs could cry she would have right then. Dogs are so smart, I feel like she knows everything that has gone on and she is always there for us. The other night when we were sleeping at Jill's, I shot out of bed after I felt what I thought was a spider on my cheek. It was actually Millie's whiskers tickling my face as I slept. She was just checking on me.

To have a home cooked meal tonight was priceless, it has been 9 days! I am not one to enjoy eating out all the time, and couldn't wait to eat in my own kitchen and not the MGH cafeteria (although it is pretty good, its still not home cooking). I even had to make some toll house cookies, just to get our home smelling good, like we lived here again. Although Alec doesnt have much an appetite, he was happy to not eat hospital food and enjoyed dinner as much as he could.

Alec is moving very slowly, up the stairs was tough and he was exhausted after. I can tell breathing is labored and he is feeling the pain from his incisions. I just wrote a medications chart for him, I counted and there are 14 meds he has to take each day. It can certainly be confusing, especially when your the patient taking them. He looks pretty damn good after all he just went through, (although his upper body looks like a war zone) but with his shirt on he looks 100% healthy. I will be his on call nurse for the next few days, he has got his little bell next to the bed and I am sure I am going to start resenting that noise soon, but for now I am the obeidient little wifey that I am supposed to be.

Well again, thank you all for the prayers and support. I am so, so glad this week is behind us. This was one of those weeks that..."what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". Alec is so tough and so strong and continues to amaze me, the doctors, his family, his friends and everyone he meets. He keeps pushing through and gets it done without a moment of doubt, self pity or anger. I am so proud of him.

I am so excited to go to bed and sleep in the bob-o-pedic next to my hubby!

I can only pray that Alec heals quickly and that we have the cancer under control. I also pray for a miracle in that it is gone forever and we can live happy, healthy and until we are 90 years old. I believe in Miracles :)

Love to all and thank you!

Heather, Alec & Millie

PS...
On our way home we heard this song, I had to do all I could to keep from crying. I dont know why, but the lyrics were just perfect for a return home from a long hospital stay and after all we just went through, it felt like we were supposed to hear this song. Its by Lady Antenellum and I had never heard it before, but when I got home I downloaded it and looked up the words. I think it was a "God Wink!"

"Hello World"

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls
Talk video screams at me
Through my tinted window I see
A little girl, rust red minivan
She's got chocolate on her face
Got little hands, and she waves at me
Ya, she smiles at me

Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, a little hope
In a little girl
Hello world

Every day I drive by
A little white church
It's got these little white crosses
Like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in
Say a prayer
Maybe talk to God
Like he is here
Oh I know he is there
Ya, I know he's there

Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I'm never going to heal
I see a light
A little grace, a little faith unfurled
Hello world

Sometimes I forget what living's for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I'll be there
Oh I'm home again
I see my wife, little boy, little girl
Hello world
Hello world

All the empty disappears
I remember why I'm here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Oh hello world
Hello world
Hello world

This is the video link.
http://video.aol.com/aolvideo/aol-music/hello-world-sessions/79275062001

He did it!

Alec did very well yesterday, although it was a long day for us, it ended up being a short 2 hour surgery. Dr. Waine removed 4 nodules, 2 from each lung. There was one more that they had taken out that did not show up on the last scan. He said everything went smoothly and they think they got them all.

We were able to go see Alec a few hours after surgery and he thought he had just had some sort of hunting accident-related surgery and was at Cabella's! I said, you must be on some good meds! He also asked me if we were still in Boston. Umm...yup, we certainly did not bring you back up to Maine to have this surgery. Once he came out of the ICU he was in a lot of pain and breathing was very difficult. He had a tube coming out of each lung that was just so uncomfortable. I tried to make him feel better, "This is it! You did it! Now we can go home and eat turkey!" He wasnt into it. I try to imagine the pain, and what must hurt, but its impossible. He looks so darn healthy that its hard to believe.

Alec is hooked up to these long tubes that go from each lung to these blue fish tank looking things that make noise like a jacuzzi tub. I guess they get rid of the fluid in his lungs, they are so weird and it makes me feel like I am in outerspace to see such odd medical devices. The doctor removed one tube from his lung today and the next one tomorrow. I asked when they think he may be able to go home and they said either Friday or Saturday afternoon! Yay...Home Sweet Home.

He had a rough morning this morning, I guess someone dumped a breakfast tray on him and spilled hot coffee on his leg. I told him later, that gives a whole new meaning of "having a bad morning, spilled my coffee". Then he had another issue with his stoma supplies. Luckily, Katie, Alec's chemo nurse was here visiting and helped me get his supplies, even driving me back to Southie this am! Now that calls for Nurse of the Year! I tell her all the time, I dont know what we would do without you! She is just amazing.

Up next is a walk around the floor, he is sitting up in the chair right now, waiting for an xray, but then will go for his first walk since the surgey. Walking is so important after lung surgery, making sure the fluid does not build up. He doesnt want to do it, but I think now he realizes the more he does the better he will feel.

The view from 19th floor, (we were on the 7th last week, looking out at a brick wall) Moving up in the world!

We are so thankful that both surgeries are done with and we can enjoy the holidays without the dread and fear of another surgery.

My husband amazes me more every day. I am not at all exaggerating when I say he has not complained once. Not once. Its funny, if I hear someone complaining about the littlest thing now, I kind of have to roll me eyes and chuckle to myself.
I want to say, come, here, with me, I will show you something worth complaining about. He's got tubes coming out of all places in his body, missing more than half his liver, pieces of his lungs, cant even breathe without it hurting and he has yet to feel sorry for himself. I knew I married a tough guy, but he is beyond anything I have ever seen.

As for recovery, Dr. Waine said it will hurt to breathe for a while, especially on a young guy like Alec. I guess younger men are in more pain because they are healthier and lungs are so much stronger.


Julia eating cookies that Keith brought while waiting for Alec in surgery.

We are so thankful that this is behind us and we can breathe a little easier. (At least I can, Alec will be able to once his lungs are better) But it is nice to have this in the past and no more dread and fear of the next surgery.

Thank you all for your prayers, we just hope that this helps and we can get this cancer under control. I think it helps to have 2 friends who are Catholic school teachers, hundreds of kids saying hundreds of prayers every day! If they only knew how much it meant to us :)

We are going to focus on a happy, healthy holiday season and 2011. A year from now we will look back on this week and wonder how we did it. But like I always say, we could not do it without God and without all of you.

Love Always,

Heather & Alec & Millie :)

Third times a charm!

Alec just went in to the OR for his lung surgery. Dr. Waine came in last night and discussed the operation with us. He said while it sounds a lot simpler than last weeks surgery, recovery is still going to be very difficult. He is going to have trouble breathing, and it will set him back significantly. He let Alec sleep on it, whether or not he wanted to move forward today or in December. All I said to Alec was "Dr. Allen thinks you can handle it, and she has known you for over a year now, knows how much you can take and how tough you are." We trust her and feel that although the recovery is going to be hard, especially with him still recovering from the liver, we may as well get it done. Rather than having to go back through this in December, Alec decided this morning to finish it this week. Since the surgery was not supposed to happen, Dr. Waine had to find time today. He said maybe late morning, maybe this afternoon or maybe tonight. Luckily, the OR nurse came to get get him at about 10:30 so we do not have to sit around anxiously waiting all day and night. So here we are again, our third time waiting in the Gray Family waiting area. I looked around and thought, this is de-ja-vu...vu.

Walking away from him this time, I just whispered to God, Please, God, let this be it. I just do not know how much more one can take. I said to Alec before leaving, "Third times a charm right!" My heart just breaks knowing he has to go through this again, but I keep thinking of parents, and having a young child who has cancer, and if they can get through it, so can we.


Millie and Maker at the beach this am in Southie! She is learning to like the city, but I think she is ready to go home and see her Daddy.

I will update when we know more. I have no idea how long this one will take. Thinking about 3-4 hours with a couple hour recovery, but I always seem to be wrong.

Thank you for your prayers! Every call, text, email, visits, it all means so much.

Love,

Heather

Change of plans...again.

Looks like we will be shacking up here for a little while longer. Dr. Allen came over today to check on Alec and she must have liked what she saw. She thinks that we should move forward with the lung surgery this week. She gave Alec the choice, but it did not take much convincing. I think he just wants it over with and since he is here and out of it, why not just finish it. I stand behind whatever he feels up to. I think he is feeling a little better today, he cracked a few jokes and went for a walk tonight around the floor. I tried to catch up to him and he started to shuffle a little faster, exposing his bum cheeks (on purpose) and I haven't laughed that much in a week! Don't worry, no one else was in the hallway.

One of the most annoying parts of being in a hospital is sharing a room. He has had two total goofs as roomates. The first guy was here for a gall bladder removal and would not stop whining about his pain. All the while Alec is laying next to him with an incision about 2 feet long and his liver gone. I called him Jersey Shore as he sat in bed with a wife beater, gold chain gelled hair, scratching away at scratch tickets and was on the phone all night making bets! Once we got rid of him, another wimp was moved in. This guy was in a car accident and I swear he just likes the food or attention and he wont leave! The nurses tried to get him to go home and he is refusing. His cell phone has not stopped ringing and his ring tone is the beginning of the NFL...I swear I am about to throw it out the window. Every time someone calls or stops by he says that MGH want to keep him here and maybe he could go home tomorrow. I want to peek around the corner and say.."Dude, go home! They want you to go home you big wuss!" He is a cop and I think he is really milking it. Good thing he cant see me roll my eyes through the curtain. It is just hard, Alec has not complained once and he is so tough. The doctors keep saying it too, damn, your tough. And, I just want it quiet for him so he can get the rest he needs. I keep asking if it bothers him and he says no, as soon as they do I will wheel him out into another room myself.

Alec just had a very odd food request, sesame tofu, salt and vinegar chips, and chocolate chip cookies. I think he must be feeling a little better!

I will update as soon as I know when surgery is going to be, they are thinking either Wednesday or Thursday.

Thank you all for the prayers! Today was a better day and he is on the mend.
Love,

Heather & Alec

Can we go home now?

These past few days have been kind of a blur...not even sure where to start. Alec is still at MGH and still recovering from Wednesday's surgery. He claims to be in less pain than last time, but he is not recovering any faster. He is so, so exhausted, he cant keep his eyes open for very long and even the smallest task takes so much effort and he struggles with it. Since he is recovering slower than expected and he is so weak, the doctors decided to post-pone his lung surgery to December. Which is fine by me, I feel like we all need a break and he needs to get well before they can get to his lungs.

The days all run into each other and nothing really changes. I keep expecting to walk in one morning and see him sitting up, smiling, eating and asking to go home...hasn't happened yet. I am getting frustrated with it, but have to remember the severity of surgery and what his body just went through. Afterall, he did lose more than half his liver. But I also know he is supposed to be walking around a couple times a day and just walking can help him heal and keep his lungs from filling with fluid, causing all sorts of problems (he has had a fever, sweats, and indigestion). I try to tell him this and lets just say...if looks could kill...

Alec's nurse today was very sweet, but too nice to him, she would come in and ask him if he wanted to walk, and he would say no, so she let him off the hook. I finally pulled his nurse aside and said "You can't be nice to him anymore, you have to put your foot down and get him out of bed and walking around!" 15 minutes later he walking around and actually feeling a little bit better and even ate for the first time afterwards.

It is hard being so helpless and no matter what I try to do it just doesn't matter or seem to help. My heart aches for him and I would in a second trade places, but I really feel like it is so much harder on the caretaker, hopefully Alec will never know the feeling.

We have had quite a few visitors, and although Alec is completely out of it, I think he is happy to see some new faces. Amy and Keith came by yesterday and it was great to hang out with them and I think they lifted his spirits a little. We would all be talking, thinking he was sleeping but all of a sudden he would participate in the conversation and we would look at each other like, "where the heck did that come from!?" Julia has been by every day and she is like a ray of sunshine each time, and I think its the only time I saw Alec smile, although he was very happy to see Jill too!

Today my Mom and Dad and I took Millie and Finn for a nice long walk in Walpole. It is so good and healthy to get some fresh air...sitting in the hospital all day staring at Alec is just not good, for either of us. Alec's family takes the morning shift, and we come in at noon until night.



In my little bubble of optimism, I am hoping he can go home tomorrow. (I actually packed my car today thinking he may go home today...not even close) I am still hopeful that when I see him tomorrow he will be up and smiling and eating and ready to get out of there, but I guess I have to be patient. Now that surgery is canceled, I am going to work go work in the field tomorrow. I need some sort of normalcy and to get my mind out of the fog. Last March, a few days after surgery I went to work I got a phone call halfway through the day that he was going home, I am superstitious.

I just want my husband back. I told him last week before he went in that the hardest part of surgery is the recovery, where he is on so many drugs and not himself. No laughing, joking, teasing, there is nothing about it that is good and I pray that he recovers fast and I have my best friend back by my side again. I take that back, there is some good, lots of good, he has less cancer in his body than a week ago and he is healing and by the Grace of God he WILL be cancer free. That is good.

That's all for now. Thank you for the prayers and for everything. I will hopefully have some good news soon (HOME!)

All our Love,

Heather & Alec

Out of the woods

Alec is finally out of the ICU. They took his breathing tube out in the middle of the night and he woke up around 3:00am for the first time. Because of his blood loss and the intensity of his surgery, he was kept in the ICU for the day, which was actually fine by us since he had better care and a private room which was dark and quiet so he could get some rest. It was such a relief to go in this morning and see him awake and to know he was OK.

He can barely speak, just because he is so exhausted, but every once in a while he smiles or cracks a joke. He did say that the post surgery for his colorectal tumor was much more painful and he feels that his pain is under control. He also said he has never felt such exhaustion in his life, I guess thats his body already trying to regenerate the liver. Keep it up!

Our day consisted of sitting by his bed, taking shifts so some of us could go eat, walk, get some fresh air. When I saw him in the morning he was almost gray, when I came back after lunch he had much more color and looked healthy again.

Millie at Boston Garden today on a walk.

He is on the mend and we are glad that these days are slowly getting behind us. It still looks like Monday will be his lung surgery, so he has got to be feeling better by then.

I am going to try to get a good night sleep tonight...now that I know he is out of the woods.

Thank you all for the prayers, texts, emails, calls, etc. It means so much and we are so lucky!

Love to all,

Heather & Alec

Update

I am so tired and probably will not make much sense right now, but I am going to try.

Alec and I woke up at 2:00 am this morning (we couldn't sleep) and we all headed down to Boston for a 6:00 am check in. His mom, Charlotte and my mom were all there to see him off and while we were all nervous we were in good spirits and looking to get the day behind us.

Waiting is the hardest part. Dr. Ferrone started at 8:45 and we were only given 3 updates throughout the day..."its taking a while and she is still working on him" the nurse would say.(Duh, thanks) Finally at about 4 something Dr. Ferrone came down and the at the sight of her I almost burst into tears. But she brought us into the consult room and gave us the low down.

They spent 5 hours doing the surgery laporscopicaly (which meant much faster recovery and a small incision site) and were 90% done when he started to bleed and they had to make the decision to open him up and go in through a large incision. Dr. Ferrone was very frustrated that they had come so far, only to have to go back but said needed to do so to keep him safe.

The tumor was the size of a grapefruit and they had to take 60% of his liver. Because the liver took so long they were unable to do the lungs and he will have to go back into surgery Monday.

So while things did not go exactly as planned, the bottom line is the tumor on his liver his out and he did well throughout the surgery. Unfortunately, because of what happened he had to stay in the ICU with a breathing tube and is still unconscious and will not be out until tomorrow morning. We did not get to see him today, but will be able to tomorrow.

Dr. Ferrone was optimistic and said we were going to have a great 2011 with much to look forward to, there is nothing like hearing that from the doctor who just spent 8 hours removing cancer from your loved ones body.

At any moment I could just burst into tears, and I don't know what kind of cry it would be...maybe because I am happy today is over, or relieved that he is doing OK, or maybe because I am just so damn tired.

I have the ICU on speed dial and may call them every few hours to make sure things are stable, its hard not to see him with my own eyes, but I know he is getting the best care.

Thank you all for your prayers, it means so much. We are so grateful that things went as well as they did and that Alec is in such good hands at MGH. I will update tomorrow. I cant say that the worst is over, but I can say THANK YOU GOD for getting us through this day and the next few days to come.

Love to all,

Heather & Alec

Extra whip cream please...

As I mentioned before, Alec requested fried clams for his last meal before surgery. Since he is going to be on a liquid diet with a side of jello over the next week or so, we decided to really "do it up". We went to Allison's Restaraunt tonight, I thought I would share what a pre-surgery dinner of champs looks like...

Bread
Clam chowder (me)
French onion soup (Alec)
Fried calamarai (share)
Fried clams (each)
Frech fries (each)
Whoopie Pie Sunday (Alec)
Brownie Sunday (me)

We kept making fun of ourselves to the waitress...

"Oh, yeah, we are on a diet"
"Gosh, this diet is so strict"
and Alec's favorite, when she brought over our meals and asked if we needed anything else, he responded "Lipitor please"

Now, we NEVER eat like this, we are usually healthy and love home cooking. But you know, when your husband is going into the hospital for the next week and he wants a plate of fried food, you give him the fried food and you enjoy it. Thats love.




Alec slipping into a food coma.

We are getting up at 3:30 am tomorrow to be at the hospital at 6:00. Making sure we say our prayers tonight and just hoping for a smooth surgery, speedy recovery and some excellent results :)

Love to all,

Heather & Alec

Fast Forward Button Please.

This is the week...Alec goes into surgery Wednesday and the nerves, dread and anxiety have started to set in.

Maybe this time it is worse because we know now what to expect post surgery and it ain't fun. If there was one time in my life I could use a fast forward button, this would be the time. We have to be there Wednesday at 7:30 and surgery is expected to last hours with at least 3 hours of recovery. Its not even surgery day that is the worst, but the days after when the pain sets in and the feeling of helplessness takes over.

The only thing we can do is focus on the future and the healing that this will hopefully bring.

Alec and I have just been laying low as I am recovering from an annoying cold. He follows me around with antibacterial wipes and makes me use hand sanitizer every 30 seconds. I don't blame him, but its no fun when your husband is about to go into surgery and you cant even give him a kiss!

We went to see the movie "Due Date" the other night and it was hilarious. If anyone needs a good laugh, we both give it two thumbs up. "Trains, Planes and Automobiles" was always one of my favorites and this movie was similar to and just so darn funny.

Alec has requested fried clams as his last meal before the surgery, I say...extra tarter sauce please!

I will be staying in Boston with Jill and Brian and if anyone wants to meet up for a walk or dinner, let me know! Alec's family and my family will be around, but I am sure I will have some time to kill, Alec is not a big fan of us sitting around his bed staring at him while he sleeps. Not to mention, it does us all some good to get fresh air and good food.

I guess all we can ask for is prayers, prayers for healing, prayers for strength to get through this, prayers for time to go by fast and prayers for a cancer free future. (I know, its asking a lot, but why not right!?)

We thank you all for your love and support over the next few weeks. We could not get through this without you!

God Bless!

Heather, Alec and Millie

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. -Margaret Thatcher

Today was the big appointment day...and we are smiling!

We met with Dr. Ferrone, whom we absolutely loved. She is young, brilliant and gave us HOPE.

She started off by sharing the images with us, the liver tumor is actually 5 cm, the size of a small orange. She then showed us exactly what will be done, she will take the bottom portion of his liver off, about 35% of it. The liver is the only organ that does regenerate, so I said, "I guess we are pretty lucky that the tumor is on the liver and not another vital organ!" She agreed. Not only will they do the liver resection, but they will also have a thorasic surgeon there who will remove the smaller tumors on Alec's lungs. And, heck, while they are at it, why not reverse his illiostomy!? Three surgeries in one day...we say bring it on!!!

The hard part is coordinating 3 surgeons from 3 different departments on the same day and MGH is working on that now. We are looking at Dr. Shellito to do the reversal, he was the surgeon that did Alec's colorectal tumor removal. Dr. Waine will hopefully be Alec's thorasic surgeon. He was actually my Papa's lung surgeon more than 15 years ago. Papa was told to go home and die after his diagnosis of lung cancer at Maine Medical, but after seeking a second opinion from Dr. Waine at MGH, he was given a chance and Dr. Waine saved his life (Dr. Waine was a little over 30 at the time, now he is 50 something, Alec asked fearing some old geezer with shaky hands). Dr. Ferrone will do his liver surgery which will be the most invasive and risky of the three. I feel as though he is in the BEST hands and that they will perform a miracle.

Of course there are risks...and the biggest of them being that it may not get rid of the cancer. There is no guarantee, but at least its an option and she said since Alec is otherwise very healthy and young, lets push the envelope and try to eliminate the cancer once and for all.

Alec will have a liver MRI tomorrow and by then the surgery should be scheduled. The tentative date is November 11th, Veterans Day, less than 2 weeks away. Healing after this surgery is not as bad as the last surgery, however Alec will be extremely fatigued for 4-6 weeks after as his body is going to be working overtime to regenerate his liver.

Waiting to meet with Dr. Ferrone was probably the hardest part. At one point I thought, I just can not possibly pray any more, think about the what ifs or worry. It was just too overwhelming. To meet with Dr. Ferrone and to come out with a plan and smiling and to have HOPE again was all we could ask for. Alec told her "You are our hero". I told her, "We have had a new hero every other month here!" And we came to the conclusion that these doctors are a team of heros and we are just so thankful that MGH is in our backyard. There is no place we would rather be.

Thank you all for your prayers this week. It was certainly a long week since we received the news last Wednesday, but things are looking up and we are again filled with HOPE!

Love to all,

Heather and Alec

30 and Thankful!

What a night!

Thank you so much to Jill, Tina and Mom for throwing an awesome surprise 30th Birthday party for me! Thank you for all those who could make it! I had such a fabulous night! It is hard to believe I am 30...time really does fly. Caitlin pointed out that we have been friends now for half our lives, since we became friends at 15. It feels like just yesterday! I am so grateful for every one of you and what a great way to start the next decade.

It was so wonderful to see my Feehan friends, Salve friends and my entire family in one room. I could not have asked for more. At one point I looked around the room and thought..."God, I am one lucky girl"

This was some what of an emotional week for me. I was away in Texas for work and it was the first appointment I missed with Alec. I am so thankful for my wonderful co-workers who I have known now for several years and whom I feel are an extended family. I truly could not be in a better place or better hands than I am at Hologic. They are some of the most caring, supportive, loving group of people and I am beyond grateful for their friendship. I am always talking about friends and family, and that is what they are to me. I was also very inspired to hear a story from my friend/co-worker Tina, whose mother has been battling stage 4 cancer now for 3 years. She has colorectal cancer, had 9 tumors on her lungs, a large tumor on her liver and has undergone 3 types of surgery, chemo, radiation and is now in remission. Talking to her gave me hope and strength to get through the week and focus on the positives. Thank you!

To all my family, friends and co-workers...

Thank you for being there for Alec and I this past year. I am constantly in awe of each and every one of you and the love and support you have given us throughout this journey, through the good times and the bad. We could not have gotten through the last year without you and I thank GOD for bringing you into our lives.

I re-read the book "Stronger than Cancer" that Steph had given us last year and thought these quotes were perfect for this entry!

"We rise by lifting others" - Robert Green Ingersoll

and...

"We believe that lives are measured in memories, not years." - Make-A-Wish-Foundation

I love you all and thank you, thank you, thank you!

Heather
xoxoxoxo


PS...its 3:00pm on Sunday and Alec and I are still in our PJs! Havent had a day like this...EVER! But it feels good ;)

PSS...here are some photos (I kinda look like Waldo in my stripes)