Scan Results

Today we found out the scan results. I am not really in the mood to write much or get into detail, but the news was not good. I guess the cancer has not reacted to the drug. I am mad, sad, disappointed, frustrated, and feel like I could punch a hole through a wall. There is nothing good to write tonight. I am tired of being optimistic only to have it blow up in my face. I thought for sure this time, it was going to work. I would have bet money on it. I don't know how to be anything but optimistic and hopeful, but sometimes I wish I weren't so, because maybe then I would not be so shattered. Alec is hanging in there like always, he is being strong for Chase and me. He is incredible. And I am sorry that I don't have it in me to say that we are just dandy and things will be OK...I will pray and God will get us through this, but right now I am mad and tired. And, Jan said its OK to be mad, so I am going to be mad and maybe my anger will turn into something better and tomorrow is a new day and maybe a new clinical trial will come along. I know HOPE will somehow find its way back into our hearts and we have not by any means given up, in fact, my anger only makes me want to fight harder and beat this thing once and for all, but right now I just want to make it all go away.

Thank you for the prayers this week, I will update when we know more.

Love,

Heather