Summer

What a summer.

I can't believe that it is now the end of August.  This summer has flown by, it feels like I blinked and it is over. 

We ended the summer with the best weekend yet, Amy and Keith's wedding.  It was the most fun I have had in a long, long time.  I literally felt as though I was 19 again, running around Weirs Beach with all my high school girlfriends, sneaking beers and smoking cigars.   We had so much fun and more importantly, we celebrated the love of an amazing couple.  Amy, is every girls best friend, and I could not be happier for her.  She is the most selfless, gracious, compassionate, FUN girl I have ever known and I think all of her friends call her their "best friend" because she is to so many.  And Keith, who was one of Alec's best friends, is humble, down to earth, quality guy, the kind of man you want your best friend to marry.  I have never seen a more beautiful wedding, the vows, the farm, the sunset, it was literally perfect and I am so, so, so happy for them!  They are what every couple should be, and I am beyond blessed to call them my friends and felt so honored to have shared such a special weekend with the two of them and their families and friends. 

 

Beautiful Bride and Groom! 

Friends for 16 years! 




Alec's friends from UCONN

 

Like anything, it was hard to be without Alec, but being surrounded by so much love, all of my friends, his friends and a couple "Alec Winks" I knew he was with me, just like always.  And of course Amy and Keith made sure the weekend didn't pass without mentioning Alec, they toasted to him at the rehearsal dinner (they give us credit for introducing them to each other, aalthough I am sure they would have eventually found their way to be together) and they also mentioned him in their program, both were so special and I really believe Alec was smiling down on all that took place this past weekend.  Including...wait for it...my new tattoo!  I have been wanting to get one for a while now, and after much thought and consideration, I went for it!  It was the perfect weekend to do it, being with all my closest friends, at Weirs Beach, I figured it was now or never.  So I did it with all my girlfriends standing by me with their full support (whether they liked the idea or not!).  I had in mind "grateful for him" on my wrist, but the "for him" was a little too big, so I just did "Grateful" for now.  My "for him" was going to stand for God, Alec and Chase, but I know what I am grateful for so that is all that matters. I love it and I am so happy I did it, no regrets Saturday morning.  Every time I look at it I am reminded that I am Grateful for my time with Alec, all that we had and the love that continues to surround me through him, through Chase and through all my family and friends.  I really am so blessed and so GRATEFUL for everything in my life.   





Getting Inked!



Since I haven't written a post in forever I guess I will go backwards.  The week before last we were on vacation in Bar Harbor, we rented the house we rented two summers ago, and stayed with my sisters and the kids.  It was a lot of fun, although the weather could have been better.  I had a difficult time at first, being there, at a place that Alec and I loved so much, and had so many beautiful memories.  I realized that I grieve all over again when I do something for the first time without Alec.  Of course it is not as intense as it use to be, but it still hurts and I have to find a new kind of happy without him.  It can be done, it just takes adjusting and  I force myself to continue to do these things, even when it does hurt, because Alec wants me to LIVE and to be HAPPY and to show Chase all the wonderful things that life has to offer.  And, I have to remind myself that Alec is always, always with me, more so now than he ever was before, I just have to BELIEVE.

Daddy always lighting the way...

Chillin with Papa

Hi Dadda!

Post hike beer!  Best part of the day! 



Ready to play with the cousins!

 



Rain can't dampen our day!

Earlier this summer, another young husband, father and good man lost his battle to colon cancer,  Mark Vandette, whom I had written about before, passed away and my heart broke into a million little pieces all over again.  I couldn't believe another young man had been taken away from his family, it was very hard to comprehend and I still do not understand why these things happen. 

And a couple weeks ago, I went to a medium, which was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  I really believe that Alec was talking to me through this women, and I encourage anyone who needs to talk to someone on the other side to go to one. 

I walked in skeptical, but open minded.  She was a pretty little blonde, (recommended by a friend) and I knew if Alec was going to come through to anyone, it was going to be this chick.  So I sat down and we prayed, and then she saw my grandparents, from my Moms side, whom I was very close with. 

I was becoming a little more intrigued. She talked about Chase and I for a while, how he chose me to be his Mom, and we have an incredible bond, I still have alot more to do here on earth, Alec had finished all he needed to do.  Then Alec came through.  The first thing she said was he had been "healed"  and he was with God.  (I never told her how Alec died or any other info, just that my husband had passed away).  She said he looked so crystal clear and was sparkeling and looked so healthy.  He was a "Spirit Guide" working directly under God.  She asked me who Caryn was, his Mom I said, he had a special message for her.  Then she said why is he holding a Frisbee?  Millie of course!!!  He is with Millie all the time and she sees him come and go, as does Chase.  (So I was right all along!)  She asked me who Keith was, Alec's friend who is getting married I told her.  He was going to be at the wedding, look for a sign.  (My sign was while they were doing the first dance a huge dragon fly circled around them a couple times!) She also talked about signs, he sends them to me all the time, but I am not always paying attention.  She saw butterflies and dragon flies...then I told her how I have seen an incredible amount of butterflies and dragonflies this year.  I had never noticed it before, but everywhere I look there are either one or the other.  My garden has been a butterfly haven, and I remember one day out on the boat, with the Martin's (Alec's best friend's and their kids) we were out in the ocean, not even near any land and I kept seeing butterflies!  (Some fish would have been nice that day Alec, forget the butterflies!)  Then when I got up to Lindon Farm, where Amy was getting married, she was telling me how she had seen so many butterflies, (even before I told her the connection) and Amy's family also lost an Aunt and a cousin, this year, so I think it was all of them, telling us they were there, at the wedding.  (Amy texted me tonight to tell me Alec had greeted them on their honeymoon in Bar Harbor, their waitress had dragonfly earrings!)

One day Charlotte had gone to his grave and noticed to dead butterflies, one on either side of his grave, like someone had placed them there, they were placed exactly the same on each side.  So we did some research and  dead butterflies mean the soul has risen.  The next time I went to his grave, they were gone, but I looked down as I got out of my car and noticed a dead butterfly at a grave, the girl had died the same day as Alec, October 23rd, 2011, and there were also 2 butterflies engraved into her stone (she was 18 when she died).  Her soul had risen too.  The first book I read after Alec had died, was called "Messages" and was about 9/11 families.  I remember reading that a couple months after 9/11 while looking through the debris, volunteers noticed hundreds of butterflies rise from the rubble.  Pretty amazing. 

Back to the medium, Alec told me I needed to "Slow the F___ down!"  Excuse me!? I said.  She said that he thinks I drive to fast and go through life too fast, and...didn't I recently get pulled over?  As a matter of fact, I had, the week before!  It was so crazy.  He also said to stop running...do yoga.  And stop living his life, live my own life, he is with us, I don't have to keep him alive through my own actions, he is here.  She  told me a lot of other things, some private and only he and I had talked about.  It was such an incredible experience, I laughed, I cried and when I left I felt as though I had just spent the last hour with Alec.  I was beyond happy. 

So I guess all in all it was a good summer.  I got through it and was able to enjoy it, for the most part.  It is also hard, being able now to look back and wonder, how did I get through that without him?  I didn't want to, I shouldn't have had to, but I guess that's life.  He knows I still miss him and love him like crazy, and not a minute goes by that I am not thinking of him and little Chase is so much like his Daddy it is amazing!

Thank you all, for being there for me always.  I truly have so much to be grateful for, I thank God every day for all he has blessed me with.  He really is good.

Happy end of summer!

Love,

Heather, Chase and Millie