2 years

To sit here and think it has been 2 years...just doesn't seem possible.  Sometimes, it feels like just yesterday, sometimes it feels like 10 years. As Jill and I walked tonight we reflected on all that we have gone through in the last 2 years, more than most people will face in a lifetime, more heartache, more joy, more tears, more loss and more life than some people will experience in 100 years.

Looking back on two years I see many, many happy days.  I see laughter, smiles, I see beautiful days and moments I will never forget.  I see my family, my friends, and my beautiful son who have all given me so much to be thankful for.  I also see sad days, days where an unexpected wave of grief would take over at any moment, where I would get weak in my knees when trying to process my overwhelming loss, I see days where I was mad, mad at God, mad at Alec for leaving me, mad at all those wives out there who still had their husbands, who were expecting their next baby, who would complain about their husbands, I was mad that my perfect life was no longer perfect, that I was a "widow" a "single mother", mad that Chase was denied that perfect life too.

And then...time went by.  I sought help, I forgave, I made peace, I prayed.  I came to understand that Alec is not here but he lives on through me, through Chase, through all the lives he has touched.  I realized that my heart is big and has so much love to give and that there is someone out there who is as deserving as Alec to receive it.  I learned that my love for him will never be diminished, it will only grow and deepen as time goes on and my heart heals. 

I am so blessed, I am so thankful.  I can do anything, I make the most of each day, I love my life.

Tonight I thank God for sending me such a man, I thank him for making me the person I am today.  I thank Alec for all he taught me, I thank him for taking care of Annie and Bella, I thank him for never really leaving me.

And I thank all my family and friends, who have been there for me every step of the way.

I am so blessed.

Heather