OK, I am not going to sugar coat this past week...it was horrible. I am so happy, actually...thrilled to be the heck out of there.
I do not even know where to start. We are all so emotionally and physically drained and I am on my 3rd glass of wine so please excuse any grammar errors.
I guess being an "eternal optimist" is not always a good thing. Either that or the nurses did not prepare us enough for the post surgery drama. One nurse said, "oh Alec will be walking the day of surgery, and Heather, you should just work all week, we will take care of him". Well, Alec did not even come close to walking that night, nor was I about to go back to work and leave him on Tuesday! It was way worse than I was expecting. Monday night of course was horrible. He was in so much pain and couldn't press that magic pain button enough. Tuesday was OK. The nurses upped his does of pain meds and said at one point he was in "la la land". Which is a place Alec does not like to go, (he is a control freak and does not like to let drugs or alcohol control his brain). I think that was half the problem. Because of this, he would rather be in pain than la la land, but why put yourself through that!? That is what pain meds are for, right!?
View from Alec's room (after I spent the entire morning complaining to the nurses for a room switch, his first roomate was like 98 years old and so deaf, watching the Price Is Right so freakin loud!) and his first room looked out at a brick wall...please!
When I came in Wednesday morning I was horrified. I was expecting him to be better than Tuesday (makes sense right?) Well, he was sitting up, sweating, nauseous, dry heaving, and in so much pain. I was so worried. Charlotte and I tried to talk to his nurse, who in turn, flipped out and got so defensive as if we were accusing her of not taking care of him. All we wanted to know was why he may be feeling this way. Little did we know that after big surgeries, day 3 is the worst (anesthesia and all the meds are leaving his body, but the pain is still there). If she had simply explained that, we would not have been so concerned. Instead she made me cry, got Alec all mad and made a scene. I was so upset. I was just wishing we could have Katie, Alec's chemo nurse. I guess I have very high expectations because of her. Anyways, yesterday was just a nightmare. I never knew how much the phrase "in sickness and in health" really meant.
One thing I can not comprehend is going though something like this with a child or a baby. I think of Bob and Tina and baby Julia and her little broken heart when she was first born. It sheds a whole new light on people who have been through such traumatic events. For a husband and wife to go through something like this it really can make or break you. I have a new found respect for Bob and Tina. They were so strong for each other and for Julia. It is no wonder so many couples fall apart during adverse times, only the strong truly do survive. I can not even describe what Alec and I just went though. A few words to sum up the week... emotional, sad, frustrating, stressful, heart breaking, helpless, and depressing. Bottom line, (excuse my language) it SUCKED.
On a side note, I got to see baby Julia all week and she is ADORABLE. I LOVE her so much. She brought Alec a balloon that said "Peas Get Well Soon" with a pea pod, so cute! She actually looked at Alec like, "I know what your going through, I know how you feel, I was just here, but don't worry Uncle Alec, you will get better". If she could talk, that is exactly what she would have said.
SO, I went to work today for the first time all week. It was good to get out in the real world and my mind off things for a bit. However, I got a call halfway through my day and it was Alec who said he was being discharged. Say What???!!! I was shocked. I called Charlotte and asked her if he was hallucinating. I was sure of it. However, she said the discharge nurse came by and since he was doing so well (I cant imagine someone who was not doing "well" is like) he could go home. YIPPPPEE. We were thrilled. I think it is so much easier to heal outside of the hospital. He just wanted to get the heck out of there.
The ride home was not fun, and he has been sleeping all night but we are HOME. And Home is Where the Heart Is! Millie was SO HAPPY to see us. I took her for a nice run when we got home. (Although I know she had fun with Finnegan and my parents this week.)
I know that this week made us stronger and closer, but it sure was tough. Nothing can break us now. We have truly been tested these past few months and I just know we can get through anything (especially after this week). I am very thankful that his surgery went well and that this part is over. We are just hoping for some good news from Dr. Shellito next week and hoping Alec will continue to heal.
A special thanks for all the extra prayers this week. Our family and friends are just amazing. It means so much. I know I can count on anyone. Even just a phone call or text to know you are thinking of us. My favorite text was from Caitlin and her baby Emmette (who is about to turn one). She said that her and Emm said prayers for Alec one night. I pictured Emm sitting by her crib with her little hands folded and her mommmy by her side praying for Alec. So sweet. Also thank you to Tina, Bob, Julia for having me stay at their place, Jilly too until she got sick, and Kendelle who had me stay over one night too. And my parents and Alec's family for being there!
Millie, tonight at the beach. I thought she was just so happy to be home and wanted the sand on her. Little did I know she was rolling in something dead and I had to take her home and give her a bath! Bad Dog! (Did she pick that habit up from Finn??) JK.
Love you all and thank you, thank you, thank you for everything.
Love,
Heather
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