3 Months...

I can't believe it has been three months. I must ask myself a hundred times a day...did that really happen? Is Alec really gone? Am I really a widow?

It is something I struggle with every day. But some how, some way, life keeps moving forward. I just finished reading a book that a friend from church gave me. I have had it for 3 months and just read it in 2 days. It is called "Messages" and is by a women who lost her husband in 9/11. The book tells stories of "signs" from those who had passed away in 9/11 and I found it to be very therapeutic, it also validated my feelings that Alec is still here, and those "Alec Winks" I witness on a daily basis are in fact him.

Today at church, Jan told me that she thinks Alec visited her a few days ago. She was in her office, sitting in her chair, (a chair that use to be Alec's office chair). All of a sudden the lamp that was a few feet away moved over to her and bumped her in her back! Then, the lights flickered. She moved the lamp back and the next day the exact same thing happened. That is just too weird...I know it had to have been Alec. Last week I saw another bald eagle, this time on 93 North as I was headed out of Boston. It flew above my car and landed in a tree over to my right. (I know, a bald eagle in Boston!? But it is true, I had a witness, a co-worker was in my car.) Then one night, on my way home from the airport after a bad travel day (my flight was delayed, I got in at 1:30 am, car covered in a foot of snow, no scraper, and I was wearing ballet flats, in 10 degrees). I was exhausted and crying really hard on my way home. All of a sudden, a song came on,

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

When your lonely (when you're lonely)
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

Hearing this song made me feel better and I thought that maybe Alec played it for me. (It is by Third Day, a favorite Christian rock group of mine, but I had never heard this song before.) There always seems to be some little sign for me, right when I need it most. Some could call it coincidence...but I know better.

It does not make it easier or OK, but it helps get through a day. And then there is Chase. He is amazing. He is so curious, so happy, he eats everything and is standing up now, all by himself. I see so much of Alec in him...never sitting still, making everyone smile, giving big bear hugs. I love him so much.

I miss my Alec more and more every day. I just want to make him proud, and that gives me reason to keep going.

Thank you for the love, prayers and continued support.

Love,

Heather

PS...thanks for the snow Alec, finally I could go xcountry skiing this weekend!



OK...these pictures would not make Alec proud, but I couldn't resist...Chase and Millie are so cute together, they even share toys. (Please do not call DSS on me!)