Stars

Today at church Jan talked about stars, and it got me thinking...

Alec always loved looking up at the sky, naming off constellations, telling me the science behind shooting stars, pointing out the North star and always testing my knowledge of the galaxy.

Auntie Tam gave Chase a very special Christmas gift, a star named after him and his Daddy. The package came with an official certificate and a chart to show exactly where "Chase and Daddy" is located. It really is so neat, to think that Chase someday will know that there is actually a star up there, with his name on it. And, it is such a nice reminder, for me, when I look up at the sky, I know Alec is out there somewhere, even at night, watching over us.

Last week there was a meteor shower and I thought of Alec. Every meteor shower he would wake me up, (most are 3:00 am or later) grab a big blanket and head outside. Because of him, I have many beautiful memories of cold winter nights and the two of us sitting in the quiet, watching the stars falling all around us. I thought about waking up and watching it last week, but didn't and now I regret it (I tried to cheat, watching it through the skylights while in bed, and at 9:30 when it wasn't supposed to start until 3). Maybe Alec was up there, wanting to show me and I missed it. Next time, I promise to wake up.

I miss Alec. He never let a moment pass him by, no matter how late or cold or any other hundred excuses one could come up with, he literally never took a moment for granted. And, he could make me do anything, (ME, get up at 3:00am to go sit in the cold!?) But for Alec I would do it, and I would love every second, taking it all in, hoping I would always have these special moments to look forward to. Now, looking back, I don't have to wonder why I did it, or why he lived the way he did. I chose to be with him, every second I possibly could, and I cherished it all. I wonder if something in my heart told me never to let those moments pass because they would be cut short. I wonder if he did the same. Tuesday, before Alec passed away, we had one last campfire, just the two of us. We sat outside for about an hour, I asked him what his proudest moment was, he said becoming a Dad. We saw one last shooting star together that night.

Chase has a new favorite video that I found on YouTube, every time I watch it with him I shed a tear and think of Alec.


I guess it's just funny, the way the universe works. All of a sudden, stars are every where. Chase gets one for Christmas, a meteor shower, a YouTube video, a church service. Maybe Alec is up there, reminding me to always keep my head up, and showing me that although night falls, and it is dark and sometimes scary, he is up there, lighting the way...always.