New week new outlook.
Alec started chemo yesterday and there is such a sense of relief now that something is being done to fight the cancer. We met with Dr. Allen in the morning and we were able to understand so much more than last week. When you get that kind of news, you really can not focus on much and it all seems like a blur. Dr. Allen showed us the images from the PET scan and even that was reassuring. In my mind, I was picturing big spots of cancer all over his lung and liver. After she walked through the images with us, you realize that these spots are so small, she actually had a hard time finding some of them. The one on his liver was noticeable, about 3 cm, however, these little blips on a screen feel so small when you look at Alec who is big and strong and you think "yeah, he can beat this".
We also went over the options we have. Chemo is done first because there could be microscopic cancer cells circulating throughout his body and with chemo we are getting that under control and stopping the spread of the disease (hopefully). Like I mentioned before, we need him to respond well to this chemo, so please pray for that. After two months of chemo they will do another PET scan to see how the spots are. Shrinkage of the tumor on his liver would be ideal, but our expectations are to see the same spots as last time, but not more. If chemo goes well, he may have some time off, and then they would keep a careful eye on any new developments. If chemo does not go well, they could do some type of proton radiation. This would be a sort of direct radiation on the spots, causing them to shrink or disappear (again, hopefully). The next option would be to resect the tumor from his liver, and the liver is an organ that regenerates, so losing a piece of his liver will not harm his body. While our news last week was grim and it was such a shock, we have regrouped and are starting to feel like we can fight this thing again and there is HOPE. Oh yes, I forgot to mention the GOOD news. They are pretty sure the Lymphoma is gone and although they will not use the "C" word (cured) they are optimistic that it will not return. So Alec already beat one type of cancer...bring it on colorectal!
Yesterday was a really long day, I was able to sneak off for a little and work, but came back to keep Alec company. We hung out with Katie and she always makes us feel better and knows how to keep us laughing. Alec and I were talking how lucky we are to have her, she goes above and beyond and seriously is our guardian angel. Talk about being dedicated to your patients.
We also met some really great people. Anthony, the social worker came by to talk and Alec really connected with him. So much more than crazy Linda who used to come by and drive us nuts (she snorted when she laughed) and made us feel really uncomfortable. Alec and I think we are pretty easy to talk to and talk about awkward silence when she was around! We asked Katie to tell her to stop coming by. And then she had the nerve to track us down one day (in the waiting room) and ask why...uhhh...cuz your a freak and you stink at your job! We also talked to two other cancer patients, one women the same age as Alec (34) has breast cancer and just had a double mastectomy and is now going through chemo. My heart broke for her but she had a strong spirit and was putting up a good fight. We also saw our friend Betty who has ovarian cancer. She has been fighting for 7 years and although there is no cure for ovarian cancer she is still trucking along. She said she has had spots on her liver and lungs for years and the doctors keep an eye on them, but so far so good. That made us feel better. Even though all three of them were bald, hooked up to pumps full of drugs and fighting for their lives they all smiled, laughed and made light of their situation. Betty kept saying how she has a thing for bald men, I better keep an eye on that one!
On our way home Alec said he finally has come to terms with the fact that he is a cancer patient. He said up until now he did not want to put himself in that category and that he did not connect with other patients. I guess thats what you call denial. But now that he has finally accepted the fact that he is a cancer patient, we can really come face to face with this challenge and put up the best fight.
Since we got home around 9:30 and had such a long day, we decided we needed a DQ fix. I ordered a banana slit blizzard and Alec got the Reece's pieces blizzard. He took one bite and ouch! We forgot that this chemo makes you super sensitive to anything cold. Poor Alec couldn't even have another bite. I selfishly finished mine. I will do just about anything for my husband, but when it comes to DQ, I just cant make that sacrifice...sorry.
Tomorrow morning he has his thoracic MRI. Keeping our fingers crossed that the spot on his spine is nothing. He can also be disconnected from his chemo pump tomorrow...he is actually letting me do it this time! Katie gave me a refresher course, so I think we will be OK. With all Alec's new body parts, we decided to name each one of them. Mort the Port (the chemo port on his chest). Chump the Pump (his bag of chemo he carries with him) and Homah the stomah (his illistomy bag). That way, I can say "hows Mort?" or "dont forget Chump!" or "tell Homah to keep it down".
As you can tell, things are getting back to normal around here. We have accepted this challenge and as my Papa would say "picked ourselves up by our bootstraps". We were reflecting in the car last night about how our lives have so drastically changed. But, not necessarily for the worst. Alec called it "the fortunate unlucky". Because we see things differently now. Each day is a blessing, the people in our lives are a gift and we look at our world in a whole new light. You let go of the small stuff, and really value what matters in life. It is hard to explain the change, until you actually go through something like this, but I think of the song by Tim McGraw "Live Like You Were Dying". And obviously, Alec is very much living, but when your future is so unclear, you get a new perspective on life.
The chorus goes like this:
And I loved deeper
I spoke sweeter
I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
he said some day I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying.
Please say a prayer that the spot on the spine is nothing and that Alec responds to chemo. We thank you all for your love, support and prayers. We are so blessed.
Love,
Heather, Alec
and Millie (who gets to come up on the bed all the time now! Talk about letting the little things go!)
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