Unbroken

Here we go again.

So much for starting 2011 with some "good news". Dr. Allen called Alec yesterday and delivered some not so good results from his last PET scan and gave us the heads up that he would be starting chemo Friday afternoon.

It once again felt like we were kicked in the stomach and life became so fragile. We sat there holding each other, trying to find the right words. After a few moments, we pulled it together, strapped on our skis and went for a night ski through the woods. Nothing like clearing your head and sorting out your feelings while breathing in the fresh Maine air. We got a little lost, confused in the trails and in the dark. To be honest, it was a welcomed feeling, I would have rather been lost out there all night worrying about finding our way out rather than dealing with what we had lying ahead of us.

Today we had a 3:00 appointment with Dr. Allen. After about 40 minutes and 50 questions, we were feeling a little better. She said not to "lose hope yet" and that we have every reason to keep fighting. She showed us the spots on his liver and lungs and they are small, but they are there. She and Dr. Ferrone were shocked to see the spread and to confirm that it truly is colorectal cancer, they are doing another biopsy, (because it is that unusual that they want to be absolutely sure it is not the lymphoma.) We showed her our ultrasound picture of the baby and as we were walking out she said "thank you, for sharing that picture with me". We know and trust in all our hearts that she and the rest of the team here are fighting for us and will literally do anything to save Alec's life.

We went on up to see Katie, the best nurse ever. She called me last night and said "I am not worried yet, its not the end of the world". I do not know what I would do without Katie, she makes us laugh and keeps us going. Alec and I talked about chemo nurses on the way home tonight, they truly are special people to be able to do what they do. They care about their patients SO MUCH and when we get bad news or have a bad day, so do they. It must be so hard to become so close with your patients, they feel our pain and I am sure it must be hard to shake when they go home to their own families.

Alec is on a new treatment called FO-FURI or something like that. Dr. Allen took out the oxyplatin since Alec has bad nueropothy in his hands and feet (a numbness where he cant even tell if his feet are cold and if it gets worse can cause serious problems). The problem with chemo is it can only work for so long, as smart as chemo is, cancer is smarter and will eventually find a way to overcome the chemo. Mixing it up will hopefully trick the cancer and stop it from spreading for at least a few months. So lets see what this FURY stuff can do...I like the name of it anyways. Katie said that one of her patients has been on this regimen for 36 months and is doing well, we need to hear these stories.

Now, if I told you we had so much fun at chemo, you probably would not believe me. But its true, the nurses all come in, tease Alec, he teases them, or me, we tell them the funny things we have done or said and we all end up laughing our way through treatment. Amazing isn't it!? The entire ride home we danced in the car, he even had a "break it down" dance session to "Funky Cold Medina". I don't know if we were loopy from the emotional rollarcoaster we had been on the past 24 hours, or are we just plain nutty? Either way we made each other laugh and laugh. After I sang to him one of my favorites (because it really reminds me of us, since Alec made me quit hard alcohol) "You ain't much fun since I quit drinking" by Toby Keith, that song I had wrote about after surgery that came on during the drive home from MGH "Hello World". God Wink? I think so!

To get this news is so devastating. We were due for something positive and we were really hopeful that 2011 was going to be "our year". We certainly still have so much to look forward to and a few more chances for some good news, but it just seems like with each obstacle our light at the end of that tunnel gets further and dimmer. We simply have to believe and hope for a miracle. After listening to the doctors try to explain how Gabrielle Giffords survived a gun shot to the head, they summed it up in a few words; sometimes, there is no medical explanation, it simply is a miracle. And this is so true. There are so many unknowns so many medical mysteries that you can only look at the obvious...prayers DO work and miracles CAN happen.

We both refuse to let cancer get the best of us. I made Alec promise me he would not give up. This disease will NOT break us. We have so much to live for now, its not just about the 2 of us anymore, we have someone else we must continue fighting for.

Right before we fell asleep last night he whispered to me "We gotta keep the faith Heath". Enough said.

So, once again, we ask for your prayers. We know with the power of prayer and with God, all things are possible.

Thank you for your prayers and support and for reaching out to us. It means so much and we could not get through this without you all.

All our Love,

Heather, Alec, Millie
& Bam :)